Life throws lot of situations where we can learn from. Everyday can be a learning, every situation can be a learning – I felt amused when I first read this. But when I deliberately dug situations I encountered, it was true. I get to learn a lot from people, circumstances and environment I am in.
I bumped into an old acquaintance just yesterday, but it was a pretty unusual behavior. Well, few questions that left me contemplate was – Why do we expect a particular pattern of behavior from people? To some extent it’s natural, but we seldom forget that it’s a sort of a hidden and a subtle compulsive behavior within us that we expect customary and habitual behavior from everyone. We get hurt if it’s not reciprocated. We struggle to accept it and neither can we ignore it so easily.
This is more so when we fall in love. Suddenly one person becomes pivotal for our peace and happiness. We long to be loved by him or her and long to please them, manipulate ourselves to secure that relationship in some lasting manner. Whatever they do, affects us. The entire experience surrounds them-be it joy, excitement, grief, anger or annoyance.
In ‘Power of now’ Eckhart Tolle narrates an interesting irony of experiencing pain in relationships. How can it be love?? I feel he is right. What we experience is not love, but our own ego needs, desires and aspirations from a relationship. But, we dare not to confront these emotions which constitutes a path of forming their own right. To an extent, these feelings play a vital role in so called freedom and self composure.
What is freedom and where is it? – When someone’s glance or word can create convulsions of delight and distress within us. We become so disturbed with disapprovals, refutes, ignorance or withdrawals. None of us are free because we are constantly strapped, pushed and pulled in relationships. They determine our moods, our behaviour, our aims and actions. It completely controls ones composure. When all these are controlling factors, how are we free? How can we spin away from this cycle of attraction to some and cycle of resistance to others? How do we retain our balance in all situations? How can we be our own personality all the time? –These are the interrogations constantly seekers address and without this ability we are all just conditional conductors. We stretch only to be within transactions because our action and behavioral controls are outside us and not within.
As I dig deep into it I can only envisage to assert the general conclusion that – we can control actions and reactions from our end, but cannot assure from other end. We have no say on other’s words, actions or thoughts. People at office dominate, there is favoritism. The driver in front of you is driving deadly slow. People are just not sensible etc etc etc. But, what can we do. They are the way they are. We can yell, scream, howl or cry. We can complain, criticize and condemn. By all this we stress ourselves or choose to walk out. Choose to let go.
This is freedom. It is strenuously won. It should be consciously, persistently and deliberately put effort. By doing it, we enjoy being ourselves with our actions, reactions and emotions which is no more dependent on others. By this endurance I think we can reach people with much more joy and friendliness.