Expectations Redefined!!

Pre-monsoon showers have hit Bangalore and today was one of those evenings as 

I was sipping my tea watching rain outside,  I had put on the music and one of my favorite song started playing…  

"Kahin Door Jab Din Dhal Jaye….." 

The most meaningful lines I have been cherishing in this melody is     

Kahin To Yeh Dil Kabhi Mil Nahin Paate | Kahin Pe Nikal Aaye Janmon Ke Naate

Ghani Thi Uljhan Bairi Apna Man |Apna Hi Hoke Sahe Dard Paraye...  Kahin Door..

Sometimes  the things are unable to come together, and somewhere else connections of lifetime emerge.  The roots of this conundrum is my own mind which becomes my enemy inspite of being mine.

Yet, enduring the pain of another is the best meaning I can extract and relate out of the above lines.

Well, with this a spark spurred in my mind and the thoughts started flowing around those lines of RELATIONSHIPS, CONNECTIONS, KITH & KIN … whatever we may want to term it as.

It became profound, inscrutable and intense as I thought more about it. As it grew

multifaceted, I rerouted myself to abstract the essence and obscurity of the relations we develop in life, the ripened trust in those relations, affection we show and expect things out from other end. I reflected more on expectations due to my latest experience in expecting from other end. I was uneasy when it did not happen, was anxious until I lessened my impatience, kind of worried and upset as well. But, I could regulate myself is definitely another story to write. 

I landed to write the roots on EXPECTATIONS. For this moment it holds my mind as the kernel point of kith’s and kin’s.

EXPECTATION – appears as a combination of emotions such as ‘Anticipation, Hopefulness, Likelihood, Prospect, Desire, Want, Wish, Dream, Yearn’ … though they aren’t synonyms for expectation, they stand as kind of reserves for it which takes different forms and outlines in the binding of the bond.  

· Why do we expect in relationships!

· What kind & magnitude of love and affection do we relate to in these interactions! Do we associate a need for emotional love in these associations! Is it the general psychological human tendency!

· Much better a question is what part of us feels good, and what are we trying to guard ourselves from, by sensing these expectations to come true!

Evolutionary psychology states that the conception of emotions were enabled in limbic system and have evolved with time and the natural selection was towards adapting emotions to solve problems, protect ourselves and our clans, survive desperate circumstances and procreate. I feel there is a strong link between our ego and our emotions.  Under the classic Freudian psychological set up, I believe, there is this  ID, your mode of being “I need what I want’, it is drive to crave in the name of requirement. The superego is you in your ethical & moral self (if you have it), it is the belief of yes vs no that’s hoarded over  years of upbringing embedded with life experiences.  Both these phases of want, influences judgments and outlook we mature which has emotions at all phases.  

So, why do we expect!!  It all drills down to a separate self-sensed illusion, our ego trying to get something for itself to compensate for a deep desire of fulfilling an aspiration or probably might erupt out of feeling of insecurity or absence of something which might be due to a perception or sheer comparison.

Ego boosts when we see what we expected becomes a reality, senses feel excited about it. On the contrary, if it does not... what we term it as reality, pushes us in disturbed and distressed mode.

It is definitely a general human psychological want to love and be loved. Why!!! 

Love is an emotion that brings us joy(or sorrow!!! - relative term). Feelings of personal attachment since childhood, it can relate to any other relation that gets associated in later part of life. It can take forms of fondness, affection, passion including romance.  But, the experience of love is been taught and adapted in such a way to give and take. And the TAKE form takes a form in the form of EXPECTATION.  The magnitude and its style will differ because it’s our sheer individual acuity. Sometimes we expect from others because we would be willing to do that much for them. And equally forget at that moment that the other individual is just like a discrete character like us whose sensitivities and emotions are theirs own and might not be applicable to be equivalent.  There are quite a lot of inspirational quotes to advice not to expect,’ expectation brings disappointment’, ‘lesser you expect, more you are happy’ so on and so forth. When I feel an emotion of soreness probably because of expectation, I re-look at myself with some tinge of self-awareness which positively brings me back to actuality and puts me in ease.

I rethink on expectations – Majority of our Expectations is very near to ideal world. A united realm of perfectionism. It’s time to revisit those attached expectations and evaluate how near is it to reality.

I have started enumerating the number of people who often dishearten me by failing in not meeting expectations. By accepting the feeling of disappointment I am favoring myself to be more nigh to practicality which helps me from drawing a pattern on subsequent behaviors of few people in the list.

Very significant element I ascertain is the difference between expectation, influence and dependence – We often disregard dependence in close relationships by imparting expectations. The closer is the relationship, proportional is the expectation because it usually gets emotionally committed.  It is sometimes amusing the way we think and the way we would have got influenced and behind the brain the comparison in the form of want would be ticking. Yes! I am speaking of media, movies, and a dream world which plays a very prominent role in the way we think and way we dream. Expectations to lead life just like on a silver screen is a mirage and there is a difference between real and reflective illusion.

Real world advices don’t expect. Expect world says it’s natural to expect and hope. Funnily discovering a safe route is mystified.  

Expectations can be vicious faction

Casting a mirage, making things appear sweeter than honey

Playing tricks on our mind and luring one in

Envisioning a perfect fantasy

Taking that fateful step towards uncertainty

Head high and heart full of blissful unrealistic expectations

Finding oneself stumbling in upon

Nothing but emptiness and shattered dreams welcome

When there is emptiness at the bend

So is the light at the end of the tunnel

'Expect the Unexpected' welcomes to a surprising world

Let go the expectation and accept the celebration

To expect the right things from oneself