It’s a ride we are strapped in…..

Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.  One thing we can't hide - is when we're crippled inside. It was one of those days I was feeling low & squat.  “...there are two types of people in the world: those who prefer to be sad among others, and those who prefer to be sad alone.” And I think I belong to the latter one. 

Eventually one of my very old friend called me while I was driving back home and he is one with whom I am pretty free to talk. Innately, I don’t prefer to share my sad segment with anyone. But still, I could sense that he captured some amount of dizziness in my voice.  He gave me a snippet of insight -‘Let it be’ principle which I felt pleasingly good about.

Before you do this exercise, just decide that you would not stop any thoughts coming to your mind, don’t deliberately stop it. Let it flow- randomly, casually, aimlessly, accidentally, or erratically.

Sit in a calm, noiseless  environment . Close your eyes. Deliberately don’t focus on to think anything. THINK NOTHING. And whatever enters, just let it emanate and diminish in its natural pace.  Spend just five minutes and see that you would relax much more than what you expected to be.

Well, I sincerely tried – there was a little resistance and my mind was deliberately thinking on particular aspects, only then I could understand that how arduous it is to even to let flow the thoughts.  Probably we cling to specific things all life. It’s so hard for us to ‘let go’ and it is so tough to ‘let it be’. 

This was the time I felt – we twig to some aspects of life so tightly that letting go of it becomes strenuous and it actually gruels dragging us to the past more often than we think we are not at it.

Feeling low, lonely, gloomy and desolated is a part of pain body within all of us. The frequency it occurs is diversified in each individual. And coping skills with it is also as individualistic as we all are. Reasons for melancholy may be thousands and I am neither going contemplate nor ponder about it.

But, I can certainly feel what it feels to be there - I’m lonely, and I am hurt. I’m tired of feeling weak. I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of feeling invisible. I’m tired of crying myself to sleep. I’m tired of shutting everyone out. I shake, gasping for breath, and I’m absolutely terrified. Waiting for that moment, the one that arrives every time. The one where you detach yourself and leave me alone once again. I’m so sick of all of this, of feeling like I have nowhere to go. My last resort fell through. And just like always, I’m alone.

But, the fact that makes me reflect is ‘Let go’.  I question myself that Am’ I doing right!!! I let go and I feel when there is no gravitational pull, I get convinced that I have done the right thing. We have to let go of so many things to get into a state of ‘let it be’.

‘Let it be’ state always challenges the ‘let go’ state because we twig to the latter ones so strongly that acceptance of other states is a hard-hitting trial.

Let go of anger, rage and fury. Let go of wrath and ire. Let go of irritation and annoyance. Let go of aggravation and frustration. Let go of impatience and pain. Let go of madness and vexation. Let go of jealousy and resentment. Let go of fear, anxiety and distress. Let go of worry, concern and anxiousness. Let go of expectations from others. Let go of desperation, despair, and hopelessness. Let go of insecurity and diffidence.

Let go …. Let go…. And let go….. of our seemingly glorious  PAST.

"Let it be" means ‘Let go’, Relax, Don't worry about your plights & predicaments.  These are words of comfort, reminding us not to think about woeful things too much, to accept the unscrupulous things that have happened that we cannot change.

The day we let go of our past and get into a state of ‘let it be’- that is the day where we can count the thoughts that gets in and we can clearly distinguish that it is pure, candid, cordial and receptive.

When I find myself in times of trouble

Mother Mary comes to me

Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

And in my hour of darkness

She is standing right in front of me

Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

Let it be, let it be

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

And when the broken hearted people

Living in the world agree

There will be an answer, let it be

For though they may be parted

There is still a chance that they will see

There will be an answer, let it be

Let it be, let it be

Yeah there will be an answer, let it be

Let it be, let it be

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Ah let it be, yeah let it be

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

And when the night is cloudy

There is still a light that shines on me

Shine on until tomorrow, let it be

I wake up to the sound of music,

Mother Mary comes to me

Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

Oh there will be an answer, let it be

Let it be, yeah let it be

Oh there will be an answer, let it be

Ah let it be, yeah let it be

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Three Motives!

I firmly believe in a quote which says:’ In life, people come for a reason, a season and a life time’.  I believe it because I have experienced it. Not that I am speaking like a veteran, but sometimes I strongly feel that experience teaches you live than reading a snippet and relate to it and comprehend your thoughts according to what the speaker or author says.

Well, why did I feel like writing this and what made me reflect on this quote so deeply was an incident that occurred today.  A very old friend of mine, who was a senior in my high school and who was eventually a college mate too dropped into my place completely unexpected.  It was a usual chit-chat, but after she left, I sprinted into my past and started thinking. There are quite a number of people who have entered my life until now and naturally it does not stop unless and until I am house arrested and cut off the communication from the world.

But, what really made me contemplate is ‘Why people stick to us?’ ‘What is that trigger which keeps the clock ticking’,  Or At last there is one day they walk out of our life or we voluntarily walk out of their lives with some bitterness or sweetness  leaving  memories to cherish Or situation that pushes Or priorities change.  We never realise unless one day we think about it and give it a thought. 

Many of them come into our lives for a very stipulated period of time, they are there because they have reason to baton. They play their role and slowly the relationship fades. The next category is for a season. This is something which makes me baffled. What I have noticed is that this relationship has an exponential growth and not a linear one. All of a sudden we start feeling that this person is such a significant part of life and sometimes we also tend to feel that this person might stick on until one of us are alive. Or it’s an unbreakable relationship.   Something like an Ad which says Fevicol ka Majbooth jod hai, tootega nahi.  But, what leaves me muddled is, this person dwindles or dies away for a specific reason either from one of the ends. We can also walk away voluntarily, or the other person might abandon us. The period is certainly a season where we would have cherished the moments and one day we  recognize that the life of it was only so much. The last category is arbitrary and exceptional too. There are extremely very few who enlist in this zone. The fact becomes implicit only by passing years. They stay with us with all those passing springs and join hands in our pleasure and whimpers of life. We tend to relate to them more and only time decides this bond. Indeed we can count the number of personalities in this precinct.

Well, let me narrate you why I feel perplexed about the second category and what makes me strong on the value systems of the third. I have had experiences with few friends along this journey who have made this credence stronger.  I particularly choose friends because they are the only category who can come in and go any time. Whether you meet them at school or college or workplace or a public transport or during travel or any other place you may want to name. And the term ‘Friend’ is as easy as gulping water. You can term any relationship under this category.

My first experience was with this friend at my first workplace. Supriya was a fond friend of mine with whom I have spent countless number of hours at office. We ate together, we travelled together, we shopped together, we had been to eachother’s place etc etc etc. And indeed I thought that she would stay along for the rest of my life. As I quit my first job there was no trace of hers in my life just like a lotus leaf pulled out of water. Lotus leaf when on water seems to have twigged to water, but when you actually pull it out there is not even a trace of droplet on it.  The second experience is something like long lasting with a lesson learnt too. Probably, I feel all of us should beware of such friends.  It’s a history now where we were good friends who had some common friends in the group too.  This friendship indeed had a speedy growth and in no time it seemed to be so strong and solid. A couple of years passed and it was still on. We spoke on diversified topics and it was a good knowledge sharing sessions too. It turned unusual that sometimes I felt that we were speaking more on a common friend of ours. And I was so imprudent during first two to three meetings and I just used to share all the information known and she was extracting more from me. And I just did not have a clue until one day very recently I realised that the intention of meeting me was to extract information and nothing else.  This actually did not hurt me much and I became more cautious.  What troubled me was the controlling behaviour.  Unless you have someone in this frequency, you cannot apprehend on what I am trying to explain. Most of the times we don’t understand the difference between care and control

Generally, care comes with sharing problems and ‘being there kinds’. The next level of which is advice and suggestions in the form of empathy. But there is a very thin film in between which I could isolate. There were literally few occasions where I was expected to act and behave on the advices provided to me which indeed choked me to a great extent. I am not a person who tend to act and change myself based on someone’s experience.  I cannot stop myself exploring a path when someone says ‘It’s dangerous’. It looks irrational when one says-‘I have had terrible experience with a person, so you don’t talk to him’. I don’t appreciate judging someone based on someone else’s opinion about that person.  I am not a person who can act on advices and change myself just because you like me as what you want me to be. I listen to all, but I take my decisions.  Finally, when this demeanour persisted, I preferred a voluntary separation. We parted ways.  We remain as water and lotus leaf.  Funnily after this incident I feel like hanging a board ‘Beware of me’ to this friend of mine.

Last but not the least, is my favourite category who remain with us and our life until we are conscious and perceptive about this world. And comically we actually never know who is who, because time is the only dimension which decides and as of now – I cannot arbitrate or articulate anything under this. But for sure I can vouch that they are the real assets for life. We just need to give them time and in return we can lay our head on their shoulders and can take a deep breathe. We can have the best of the conversations amidst of being silent. Probably the best proverb ‘a friend in need is a friend in deed’ was made beholding them.  

Maturity - Proficiency to observe absorbing oneself

Recently there was an occasion where I completely lost my temperament. The Motive for getting into that disposition was compelling. Anyone in my place had enough reasons to justify the move. But, when I looked at that day, it seems that I might have been carried away with the circumstances which finds you in an unlikely situation and you wonder how you could have been so stupid. I suppose I should be thankful. Being framed for a transgression is all a part of growing up. “Maturity” was the first word which struck my mind and left me introspecting for a long time.

What exactly does it mean by maturity?

There are several instances where we use this term.  We all understand what it means based on situation. But, if re-questioned the response is never specific.

Let me narrate you instances where I have encountered people saying:

Acting childish signifies the absence of maturity.

He is stuffy arrogant, absolute immaturity.

Conceited in their own circumference, not being amicable connotes immaturity.

Traditionally being childish, stuffy arrogant, being hostile are all signs of immaturity.  Even when we take “arrogant” and “childish” out of this meaning so that we are left with ‘behave like an adult’, we are still left with a meaning that fails to represent the true value and quality of the word and its denotation.

Maturity means you are fully developed in some way to fulfil a role or function.  Botanically a fruit or a vegetable is mature when it is ripe — ready for consumption. When a person knows the rules of life with norms abided to society, a right speech to a right person at right place and time is about maturity with human beings. A thin line between childhood and adulthood - not the factor of age but the state of mind is maturity.

Maturity is the ability to control ironic emotions such as anger, annoyance and differences without violence or destruction. Generally, these emotions get carried away and leaves a bitter tinge embedded with momentary behaviour too. It is also the capacity to face unpleasantness and frustration, discomfort and defeat, without complaints or collapse of oneself too.

Maturity is perseverance, the ability to sweat out a mission, or a situation in spite of opposition and discouraging setbacks. It is also unselfishness – responding to the needs of others, often at the expense of one’s own desires of wishes.

Maturity is an interesting word which is hard to define and is been revolving around all pleasant traits what the social order is openly embraced. 

To put it into a nutshell, it is a virtue of humility and modesty. It is a grown up trait that demands great strength to say, “I am wrong’, ‘I am sorry. And  when being right, the mature person would not say, “I told you so.” It is also the ability to make decisions and stand by it. It is also dependability to overcome the crisis. 

There are few more false notions attached to maturity. One in my kinfolk even asked me - “Being serious towards life and with people around... is maturity. So, I want to be one”. I was dumb stuck when I heard that. You can’t understand life when you are a fun-loving person. People would not respect you when are in cheerful and in merry mood.... were few more to add to the catalogue.  All I wanted to say here was maturity is not the impression that you leave upon others. People don’t judge on momentary occasions. They judge on long term deeds, repeated manners and recurrence of your conduct.  Maturity is a long term verdict.

The greatest day in our life is when we take total responsibility for our attitudes. That's the day we truly grow up and probably that’s what we call as maturity. It is living life in tranquillity realising the difference between what can be changed and what needs to accepted. It is also an attribute to see others just like we ourselves – an objective evaluation of situation and people.  Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional. Growing with maturity is a conscious decision.

When a river inside us flows.......

I was on the banks of Hoogli River and watching a magnificent bridge lighted up. The tributary of river Ganges was as enormous and I could see her far until my sight reached.

The river flowed on, not knowing where it is heading to. It has had a humble beginning and there is no choice of choosing its destiny. It has many downfalls, but every waterfall it creates it makes it stronger and establishes its uniqueness on earth. Pebbles and stones laid in its path created   mayhem but also gave it its song. In levelled areas it looked as if it is standing still, but deep current carried it along. In turbulent areas it put off people who did not realize that the turmoil is due to obstacles laid in its way, and not due to any fault of the river.

Having reached the plains, the river picks up tons of momentum. It establishes its eminence, and people look at it with revelation. It offers itself to be wedged, it can carry ferries and ships, it nurtures so many lives within rivulet, and it is the source of sustenance for agriculture.

Throughout its journey the river watches its own revolution, almost as a bystander. It feels so innate, since it is not in its control of its fortune. It watches its early morning devotees offering flowers and salutations, it experiences dirt filled bodies emerging cleansed from within its body, it absorbs the ashes of the burnt dead reverently thrown into its swirls along noiselessly, it watches villages and cities, it witnesses the rise and fall of civilizations. It welcomed habituation on its shores when people wanted to settle down happily enjoying its life sustaining water.

Through the ages, countries have been divided along river paths, wars have been fought, dams have been built and canals have been drawn away. People have been baptized, they have been cleansed, they have offered prayers, they have travelled on it, and they have merged their sins with it. Never in so many centuries has anyone stopped to sit by the river and probe its heart, search its deep currents – to ask what it wants.

The only thing that the river is ensured is that its journey will come to an end one day and it plunges itself to a massive body losing its identity.  Such is a human life. Some flow with the currents, some try to battle with the life’s decisions and directions. The end result is the same – merger with the higher self-but what is important during the passage of time, whether we quenched someone’s thirst, whether we carried someone on our shoulders, whether we fortified someone’s life or whether we destroyed something on the way. The choice is ours.

Look back, to see where are our rivers flowing.......

Trails on Ascending

What is within this earth’s crust   
What is within the depth of my soul
What is the purpose of my life’s journey
What created what is!

What lies without …

What lies in the serenity of a morning
hike through the forest, covered by
colossal trees, pelting through the pebbles
Cascading a bed of mountain stones
How is mighty and majestic pinnacle
That shows off to sky
The zenith of life, and the summit to reach. 

The crest pulls us with endurance
As tedious the life’s pathway too
To pursue, to trail, to hunt or to chase
All to ensue the purpose of life

Uphill, sometimes we give up
A twinge unquenchable
What made me to give up …
A constraint, a situation, sometimes a choice

But, the cry within is pinching persistently
To recuperate, to rebound, to spring up
Just to reach the apex
To excavate the edge, to ascertain the
Gentle, Calm, Mighty, and Majestic from the depths of my soul
to the world around me…
Life is All-Surrounding, lingering to behold.

The way we are ...

We hold on to things the tightest,
when we are forced to let them go-
We always want things a certain way,
when know they can’t be so.

Dreams always last the longest,
when they are furthest from our reach-
And the lessons we can learn the most from,
are often the very ones we teach.

The grass is always the greenest,
when it lies on the other side-
And the truths we preach to others
are often those we can’t abide.

We hold fast to the things in a storm,
which are most likely to blow away-
And yet we neglect to wear sunscreen,
on a bright and sunny day.
We spend our time trying to see things,
when perspective is one thing we lack-
And we never appreciate what we we’ve got,
until we can’t get it back.

We expect the whole world to give us a break,
and yet ironically we’ll find-
That when others come asking the same of us,
we tell him they’re out of their mind.

We tell everyone what’s wrong with this world,
and we do nothing to make it right-
We complain about families falling apart,
and yet do nothing to keep them tight.

We preach about loving our neighbours,
and we teach children right form wrong-
But we never set good examples for them,
when real chances come along.

We complain about not having enough time in our lives,
to do what we must do-
Yet if we were given more hours in a day,
we’d use up all that, too.

We desire to be close to all those we love,
yet all too often look on from afar-
And when it comes to the truth do we want to change,
or remain forever as we are ?