What does it take to STAND FOR RIGHT!

One of my friend called me this morning as I was driving to office. He seemed to be bit upset and narrated an incident that happened in his organisation.

There is this technical manager who is extremely rude and arrogant and it seems that the entire organisation experiences it. He insults people and it’s been a real nuisance. There have been escalations from employees, candidates who attend interview  with this man, few peers and from all possible angles. This morning too there has been another escalation and management is tight-lipped and are in mute condition. There have been many cases to support this typical behaviour but no action really surfaces out.

As we spoke, we also discussed on many facets of it

Why do some people behave rude?

What makes an individual arrogant? What pushes him to be insolent?

The probable answers we came out was-Ego, Over-confidence about oneself, feel so in-secured within and it makes them feel good to treat others like trash. They might have a problem with themselves or suffering from some disorder. For some it’s situational, but if it is a persistent habit, then there is something coarse underlying at a depth. The list grows with no end when we want to reason it out.

On the contrary, there is this set of people who digest and absorb this annoying and irksome behavior. In this typical case, management of the organisation isn’t taking any steps is one part of it. But there is also a good set of numbers who don’t raise voice against this infuriating behavior of the person. For instance, this HR Manager of this organisation seems to have no words. There are people who complain that management does nothing about it. And it seems that she also just follows the same line and keep mum about it. Rationally speaking, majority of us just follow the same lines…speak behind, give reasons not to take a bold step, no stand for what’s right, instead keep quiet. The complaint dies one day and we stay amidst of dead things. Yet another day another incident follows and we recall the past and still continue to complain that management does nothing about it.  Aren't we assuming!! Why don’t we think we are accountable too.  What stops us from approaching as a group to resolve age old grumbles? Why don’t we take responsibility to get things answered?  Have we put our efforts before we declare it! Have we attempted to voice over the opinion or we prefer to sit and complain about it until the problem knocks our door and hurts us as an individual. 

Well, I was thinking as I drove to office and key aspects that struck my mind was – majority of us lack to carry an independent opinion and to stand for what we think is right. Probably, we need to have a strong personality to have an outlook of what is right and stand for it. Insecurity lies at every point of life at different thresholds, but the question is-do we control it, or does it control us.  This certainly does not mean that we should be eccentric in nature. All I am trying to say is “Let us be right”, and proliferate to people around to stand for what is right. Any decision we take should not be person oriented, situation oriented, individual emotion oriented, but should have an analytical reason and for what is right and veritable.

As I entered into my office, I have a table calendar with a quotation for each day. I came in and as a usual habit, I turned to today’s date and there was a subtle smile over my lips because the quote read – “All glory comes from daring to begin, so give it a start and prove yourself.”

Journey to Freedom!

Life throws lot of situations where we can learn from. Everyday can be a learning, every situation can be a learning – I felt amused when I first read this. But when I deliberately dug situations I encountered, it was true. I get to learn a lot from people, circumstances and environment I am in.

I bumped into an old acquaintance just yesterday, but it was a pretty unusual behavior. Well, few questions that left me contemplate was – Why do we expect a particular pattern of behavior from people? To some extent it’s natural, but we seldom forget that it’s a sort of a hidden and a subtle compulsive behavior within us that we expect customary and habitual behavior from everyone. We get hurt if it’s not reciprocated. We struggle to accept it and neither can we ignore it so easily.

This is more so when we fall in love. Suddenly one person becomes pivotal for our peace and happiness. We long to be loved by him or her and long to please them, manipulate ourselves to secure that relationship in some lasting manner. Whatever they do, affects us. The entire experience surrounds them-be it joy, excitement, grief, anger or annoyance.

In ‘Power of now’ Eckhart Tolle narrates an interesting irony of experiencing pain in relationships. How can it be love?? I feel he is right. What we experience is not love, but our own ego needs, desires and aspirations from a relationship. But, we dare not to confront these emotions which constitutes a path of forming their own right. To an extent, these feelings play a vital role in so called freedom and self composure.   

What is freedom and where is it? – When someone’s glance or word can create convulsions of delight and distress within us. We become so disturbed with disapprovals, refutes, ignorance or withdrawals. None of us are free because we are constantly strapped, pushed and pulled in relationships. They determine our moods, our behaviour, our aims and actions. It completely controls ones composure. When all these are controlling factors, how are we free?  How can we spin away from this cycle of attraction to some and cycle of resistance to others? How do we retain our balance in all situations? How can we be our own personality all the time? –These are the interrogations constantly seekers address and without this ability we are all just conditional conductors. We stretch only to be within transactions because our action and behavioral controls are outside us and not within.

As I dig deep into it I can only envisage to assert the general conclusion that – we can control actions and reactions from our end, but cannot assure from other end. We have no say on other’s words, actions or thoughts.  People at office dominate, there is favoritism. The driver in front of you is driving deadly slow.  People are just not sensible etc etc etc. But, what can we do. They are the way they are. We can yell, scream, howl or cry. We can complain, criticize and condemn.  By all this we stress ourselves or choose to walk out. Choose to let go.

Just one aspect – which we need to identify is that the other person also carries perfect right to be himself or herself just as what we think we have. We think we have right to be what we are. We think we have freedom to be what we are. We accept ourselves to be what we are. We assume we are perfect for all that we do. Why don’t we reflect the same on the other end, but cling to the fact that they don’t change themselves to suit our expectations. The plain truth is that the world is not designed to be what our desires are. The moment we give that independence to the other person to be what they are – we are no more in that conditional and compulsive expectation circle. So, now what do we do with our reactions, feelings and emotional mess of ours!! – We take responsibility of them because it is our problem. We are accountable to process it within ourselves instead of spurting it on people and situations around.  When we truly do this – we travel very deep within ourselves and we lovingly receive all our feelings, be it – anguish, arrogance, irritation, desires, wants, wariness.  We are free from external factors because something assimilates to drive within. When we become capable of doing this we free ourselves from the control of others and finally into our own. The beauty is that when we give others their freedom we are actually taking back our own freedom. The attachments we tie to the world and people out there is an untidy entangle of blaming others for our expectations from them and wanting them to act according to our covet.  When we deliberately free ourselves from all this, we separate out from taking responsibility of others business. 

 This is freedom. It is strenuously won. It should be consciously, persistently and deliberately put effort. By doing it, we enjoy being ourselves with our actions, reactions and emotions which is no more dependent on others. By this endurance I think we can reach people with much more joy and friendliness.

To Let Go!!!

To let go does not mean to stop caring, it means I can’t do it for someone else whom I don’t relate to

To let go does not mean that you forget, it means that you comprehend the actuality

To let go does not mean that you forgive, it means that you have different priorities

To let go is not to cut myself off, it’s the realization that I can’t control another.

To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands alone

To let go is not to try to change or blame another, it’s to make the most of myself.

To let go does not mean insecurity, it means I am more confident to take care independently

To let go is not to care for, but to care about.

To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies.

To let go is not to be protective, it’s to permit another to face reality.

To let go is not to criticize, or regulate anyone, but to try to become what I dream I can do.

To let go is to fear less, and to love more.

Pen Pal!

I was searching for my painting brush this afternoon and eventually found a post-card dated April 2002. Whenever I read my old letters, I become emotional.  They have always been my source of inspiration.

The journey started when I was just eighteen. I had started writing some articles for local newspapers and magazines. My first article was on ‘Music’ in Kannada which got published into four editions in ‘Sugunamala’ from Udupi. Following which I practiced writing on various facets of society encompassing youth, corruption, women empowerment, self-control etc. When I rewind my pages of life, I now feel that I was matured more than required. I now feel why was I so serious in life to write on such heavy topics just at the age of twenty or early twenties to be more precise.

Anyways, I have always cherished to be in limelight all the while because of this hobby of mine. I was recognised in my college from a different stature which I have thoroughly enjoyed. This hobby of mine actually amplified once when I passed out my engineering and started to work at Dell. This was the time I received a letter stating ‘I want to be a pen-friend of yours’. I was taken aback when I saw this letter addressed to my residence.

It was a registered post carrying two photocopies of my article-one published in early 1997 and another recent article published in 2001. Four years was a good gap to recognise anyone and I was literally taken a back looking at it conveying that – I recognise you and can I have a pen friendship with you and the one who posted it was Dr. BS Manjunath from Davanagere one of districts in Karnataka. He was still practicing his medicine. And this registered post along with the request carried good articles on friendship which was certainly special.  I had received around eighty fan letters appreciating my article, but this was different and I was very inquisitive to know more about him and I immediately sent a reply stating that his letter was thought-provoking and remarkable as I could not even dream that someone can recognise a personality with a four year gap and that too only looking at photos which had got published in the magazine.

‘Pen-friendship’ – A friendship which just stays black and white and only to pages. That was the time the internet, email usage had just taken birth and going to cyber café to check mails was an expensive affair.  The friendship started with a treaty signed in between us stating that – ‘We shall never see each other in life, we shall never call each other and we shall stop writing letters when anyone feels that ‘it’s enough’.  With this we started………….

This was one of my beautiful expeditions or a passage of my life. We must have literally exchanged around 200 letters within a span of three years. And the letters is just not stipulated to a page or two. Both of us used to write at least ten to fifteen pages. And Manju always used to overtake me in writing. His letters always over shooted mine. There is no topic on the earth that we did not uncover.  It started with introducing ourselves, our individual traits, family, life until then and the current status. He used to write on all the medical terminologies, introducing me to various medicinal fields and on the contrary I used to given him lot of information on electronics, technology, my work at Dell, my hobby of RJ’ing on AIR and all my experiences when I was on air as a Radio Jockey  on FM Metro(Currently FM Rainbow). My voice was my world and with all this we used to share so much of knowledge that we exchanged books, photo-copies of interesting articles, poems and thousands of poems and we used to even argue and write critics on various literary works.

The best part of the entire journey was ‘Knowledge Sharing’, and I owe this entire credit to him. There were few things which I still treasure about my pen-friend Manju.  I had this ambition of becoming a Medical Practitioner since my childhood and I had shared this secret and not worked dream with him. And one of the best gifts I have ever received for my birthday in that year was an Apron, Statoscope and few other medical related accessories. He wanted me to wear that apron and listen to my own heart beat in that gifted Statoscope. And I sincerely did.

The information and knowledge we have shared carry no bounds. It’s absolutely fascinating extract. Well, they say everything in this world will have to come to a logical end. I am not really envisaging if this is true or false. But, yes as I travelled abroad the other phases naturally took a priority and the pace slowed down. The best part of the entire stroll was its end. The last letter I posted clearly communicated that …. ‘Kannanchina neerinondhige, Thutiyanchina mugulnageyondige, Vidhaya heluvenu geleya ninage…………………….’  (With a twinkle tear in the corner of my eyes, With a sombre smile at the end of my lips…. My dear friend, I bid you goodbye) 

It’s a ride we are strapped in…..

Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.  One thing we can't hide - is when we're crippled inside. It was one of those days I was feeling low & squat.  “...there are two types of people in the world: those who prefer to be sad among others, and those who prefer to be sad alone.” And I think I belong to the latter one. 

Eventually one of my very old friend called me while I was driving back home and he is one with whom I am pretty free to talk. Innately, I don’t prefer to share my sad segment with anyone. But still, I could sense that he captured some amount of dizziness in my voice.  He gave me a snippet of insight -‘Let it be’ principle which I felt pleasingly good about.

Before you do this exercise, just decide that you would not stop any thoughts coming to your mind, don’t deliberately stop it. Let it flow- randomly, casually, aimlessly, accidentally, or erratically.

Sit in a calm, noiseless  environment . Close your eyes. Deliberately don’t focus on to think anything. THINK NOTHING. And whatever enters, just let it emanate and diminish in its natural pace.  Spend just five minutes and see that you would relax much more than what you expected to be.

Well, I sincerely tried – there was a little resistance and my mind was deliberately thinking on particular aspects, only then I could understand that how arduous it is to even to let flow the thoughts.  Probably we cling to specific things all life. It’s so hard for us to ‘let go’ and it is so tough to ‘let it be’. 

This was the time I felt – we twig to some aspects of life so tightly that letting go of it becomes strenuous and it actually gruels dragging us to the past more often than we think we are not at it.

Feeling low, lonely, gloomy and desolated is a part of pain body within all of us. The frequency it occurs is diversified in each individual. And coping skills with it is also as individualistic as we all are. Reasons for melancholy may be thousands and I am neither going contemplate nor ponder about it.

But, I can certainly feel what it feels to be there - I’m lonely, and I am hurt. I’m tired of feeling weak. I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of feeling invisible. I’m tired of crying myself to sleep. I’m tired of shutting everyone out. I shake, gasping for breath, and I’m absolutely terrified. Waiting for that moment, the one that arrives every time. The one where you detach yourself and leave me alone once again. I’m so sick of all of this, of feeling like I have nowhere to go. My last resort fell through. And just like always, I’m alone.

But, the fact that makes me reflect is ‘Let go’.  I question myself that Am’ I doing right!!! I let go and I feel when there is no gravitational pull, I get convinced that I have done the right thing. We have to let go of so many things to get into a state of ‘let it be’.

‘Let it be’ state always challenges the ‘let go’ state because we twig to the latter ones so strongly that acceptance of other states is a hard-hitting trial.

Let go of anger, rage and fury. Let go of wrath and ire. Let go of irritation and annoyance. Let go of aggravation and frustration. Let go of impatience and pain. Let go of madness and vexation. Let go of jealousy and resentment. Let go of fear, anxiety and distress. Let go of worry, concern and anxiousness. Let go of expectations from others. Let go of desperation, despair, and hopelessness. Let go of insecurity and diffidence.

Let go …. Let go…. And let go….. of our seemingly glorious  PAST.

"Let it be" means ‘Let go’, Relax, Don't worry about your plights & predicaments.  These are words of comfort, reminding us not to think about woeful things too much, to accept the unscrupulous things that have happened that we cannot change.

The day we let go of our past and get into a state of ‘let it be’- that is the day where we can count the thoughts that gets in and we can clearly distinguish that it is pure, candid, cordial and receptive.

When I find myself in times of trouble

Mother Mary comes to me

Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

And in my hour of darkness

She is standing right in front of me

Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

Let it be, let it be

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

And when the broken hearted people

Living in the world agree

There will be an answer, let it be

For though they may be parted

There is still a chance that they will see

There will be an answer, let it be

Let it be, let it be

Yeah there will be an answer, let it be

Let it be, let it be

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Ah let it be, yeah let it be

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

And when the night is cloudy

There is still a light that shines on me

Shine on until tomorrow, let it be

I wake up to the sound of music,

Mother Mary comes to me

Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

Oh there will be an answer, let it be

Let it be, yeah let it be

Oh there will be an answer, let it be

Ah let it be, yeah let it be

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Three Motives!

I firmly believe in a quote which says:’ In life, people come for a reason, a season and a life time’.  I believe it because I have experienced it. Not that I am speaking like a veteran, but sometimes I strongly feel that experience teaches you live than reading a snippet and relate to it and comprehend your thoughts according to what the speaker or author says.

Well, why did I feel like writing this and what made me reflect on this quote so deeply was an incident that occurred today.  A very old friend of mine, who was a senior in my high school and who was eventually a college mate too dropped into my place completely unexpected.  It was a usual chit-chat, but after she left, I sprinted into my past and started thinking. There are quite a number of people who have entered my life until now and naturally it does not stop unless and until I am house arrested and cut off the communication from the world.

But, what really made me contemplate is ‘Why people stick to us?’ ‘What is that trigger which keeps the clock ticking’,  Or At last there is one day they walk out of our life or we voluntarily walk out of their lives with some bitterness or sweetness  leaving  memories to cherish Or situation that pushes Or priorities change.  We never realise unless one day we think about it and give it a thought. 

Many of them come into our lives for a very stipulated period of time, they are there because they have reason to baton. They play their role and slowly the relationship fades. The next category is for a season. This is something which makes me baffled. What I have noticed is that this relationship has an exponential growth and not a linear one. All of a sudden we start feeling that this person is such a significant part of life and sometimes we also tend to feel that this person might stick on until one of us are alive. Or it’s an unbreakable relationship.   Something like an Ad which says Fevicol ka Majbooth jod hai, tootega nahi.  But, what leaves me muddled is, this person dwindles or dies away for a specific reason either from one of the ends. We can also walk away voluntarily, or the other person might abandon us. The period is certainly a season where we would have cherished the moments and one day we  recognize that the life of it was only so much. The last category is arbitrary and exceptional too. There are extremely very few who enlist in this zone. The fact becomes implicit only by passing years. They stay with us with all those passing springs and join hands in our pleasure and whimpers of life. We tend to relate to them more and only time decides this bond. Indeed we can count the number of personalities in this precinct.

Well, let me narrate you why I feel perplexed about the second category and what makes me strong on the value systems of the third. I have had experiences with few friends along this journey who have made this credence stronger.  I particularly choose friends because they are the only category who can come in and go any time. Whether you meet them at school or college or workplace or a public transport or during travel or any other place you may want to name. And the term ‘Friend’ is as easy as gulping water. You can term any relationship under this category.

My first experience was with this friend at my first workplace. Supriya was a fond friend of mine with whom I have spent countless number of hours at office. We ate together, we travelled together, we shopped together, we had been to eachother’s place etc etc etc. And indeed I thought that she would stay along for the rest of my life. As I quit my first job there was no trace of hers in my life just like a lotus leaf pulled out of water. Lotus leaf when on water seems to have twigged to water, but when you actually pull it out there is not even a trace of droplet on it.  The second experience is something like long lasting with a lesson learnt too. Probably, I feel all of us should beware of such friends.  It’s a history now where we were good friends who had some common friends in the group too.  This friendship indeed had a speedy growth and in no time it seemed to be so strong and solid. A couple of years passed and it was still on. We spoke on diversified topics and it was a good knowledge sharing sessions too. It turned unusual that sometimes I felt that we were speaking more on a common friend of ours. And I was so imprudent during first two to three meetings and I just used to share all the information known and she was extracting more from me. And I just did not have a clue until one day very recently I realised that the intention of meeting me was to extract information and nothing else.  This actually did not hurt me much and I became more cautious.  What troubled me was the controlling behaviour.  Unless you have someone in this frequency, you cannot apprehend on what I am trying to explain. Most of the times we don’t understand the difference between care and control

Generally, care comes with sharing problems and ‘being there kinds’. The next level of which is advice and suggestions in the form of empathy. But there is a very thin film in between which I could isolate. There were literally few occasions where I was expected to act and behave on the advices provided to me which indeed choked me to a great extent. I am not a person who tend to act and change myself based on someone’s experience.  I cannot stop myself exploring a path when someone says ‘It’s dangerous’. It looks irrational when one says-‘I have had terrible experience with a person, so you don’t talk to him’. I don’t appreciate judging someone based on someone else’s opinion about that person.  I am not a person who can act on advices and change myself just because you like me as what you want me to be. I listen to all, but I take my decisions.  Finally, when this demeanour persisted, I preferred a voluntary separation. We parted ways.  We remain as water and lotus leaf.  Funnily after this incident I feel like hanging a board ‘Beware of me’ to this friend of mine.

Last but not the least, is my favourite category who remain with us and our life until we are conscious and perceptive about this world. And comically we actually never know who is who, because time is the only dimension which decides and as of now – I cannot arbitrate or articulate anything under this. But for sure I can vouch that they are the real assets for life. We just need to give them time and in return we can lay our head on their shoulders and can take a deep breathe. We can have the best of the conversations amidst of being silent. Probably the best proverb ‘a friend in need is a friend in deed’ was made beholding them.