Expectations Redefined!!

Pre-monsoon showers have hit Bangalore and today was one of those evenings as 

I was sipping my tea watching rain outside,  I had put on the music and one of my favorite song started playing…  

"Kahin Door Jab Din Dhal Jaye….." 

The most meaningful lines I have been cherishing in this melody is     

Kahin To Yeh Dil Kabhi Mil Nahin Paate | Kahin Pe Nikal Aaye Janmon Ke Naate

Ghani Thi Uljhan Bairi Apna Man |Apna Hi Hoke Sahe Dard Paraye...  Kahin Door..

Sometimes  the things are unable to come together, and somewhere else connections of lifetime emerge.  The roots of this conundrum is my own mind which becomes my enemy inspite of being mine.

Yet, enduring the pain of another is the best meaning I can extract and relate out of the above lines.

Well, with this a spark spurred in my mind and the thoughts started flowing around those lines of RELATIONSHIPS, CONNECTIONS, KITH & KIN … whatever we may want to term it as.

It became profound, inscrutable and intense as I thought more about it. As it grew

multifaceted, I rerouted myself to abstract the essence and obscurity of the relations we develop in life, the ripened trust in those relations, affection we show and expect things out from other end. I reflected more on expectations due to my latest experience in expecting from other end. I was uneasy when it did not happen, was anxious until I lessened my impatience, kind of worried and upset as well. But, I could regulate myself is definitely another story to write. 

I landed to write the roots on EXPECTATIONS. For this moment it holds my mind as the kernel point of kith’s and kin’s.

EXPECTATION – appears as a combination of emotions such as ‘Anticipation, Hopefulness, Likelihood, Prospect, Desire, Want, Wish, Dream, Yearn’ … though they aren’t synonyms for expectation, they stand as kind of reserves for it which takes different forms and outlines in the binding of the bond.  

· Why do we expect in relationships!

· What kind & magnitude of love and affection do we relate to in these interactions! Do we associate a need for emotional love in these associations! Is it the general psychological human tendency!

· Much better a question is what part of us feels good, and what are we trying to guard ourselves from, by sensing these expectations to come true!

Evolutionary psychology states that the conception of emotions were enabled in limbic system and have evolved with time and the natural selection was towards adapting emotions to solve problems, protect ourselves and our clans, survive desperate circumstances and procreate. I feel there is a strong link between our ego and our emotions.  Under the classic Freudian psychological set up, I believe, there is this  ID, your mode of being “I need what I want’, it is drive to crave in the name of requirement. The superego is you in your ethical & moral self (if you have it), it is the belief of yes vs no that’s hoarded over  years of upbringing embedded with life experiences.  Both these phases of want, influences judgments and outlook we mature which has emotions at all phases.  

So, why do we expect!!  It all drills down to a separate self-sensed illusion, our ego trying to get something for itself to compensate for a deep desire of fulfilling an aspiration or probably might erupt out of feeling of insecurity or absence of something which might be due to a perception or sheer comparison.

Ego boosts when we see what we expected becomes a reality, senses feel excited about it. On the contrary, if it does not... what we term it as reality, pushes us in disturbed and distressed mode.

It is definitely a general human psychological want to love and be loved. Why!!! 

Love is an emotion that brings us joy(or sorrow!!! - relative term). Feelings of personal attachment since childhood, it can relate to any other relation that gets associated in later part of life. It can take forms of fondness, affection, passion including romance.  But, the experience of love is been taught and adapted in such a way to give and take. And the TAKE form takes a form in the form of EXPECTATION.  The magnitude and its style will differ because it’s our sheer individual acuity. Sometimes we expect from others because we would be willing to do that much for them. And equally forget at that moment that the other individual is just like a discrete character like us whose sensitivities and emotions are theirs own and might not be applicable to be equivalent.  There are quite a lot of inspirational quotes to advice not to expect,’ expectation brings disappointment’, ‘lesser you expect, more you are happy’ so on and so forth. When I feel an emotion of soreness probably because of expectation, I re-look at myself with some tinge of self-awareness which positively brings me back to actuality and puts me in ease.

I rethink on expectations – Majority of our Expectations is very near to ideal world. A united realm of perfectionism. It’s time to revisit those attached expectations and evaluate how near is it to reality.

I have started enumerating the number of people who often dishearten me by failing in not meeting expectations. By accepting the feeling of disappointment I am favoring myself to be more nigh to practicality which helps me from drawing a pattern on subsequent behaviors of few people in the list.

Very significant element I ascertain is the difference between expectation, influence and dependence – We often disregard dependence in close relationships by imparting expectations. The closer is the relationship, proportional is the expectation because it usually gets emotionally committed.  It is sometimes amusing the way we think and the way we would have got influenced and behind the brain the comparison in the form of want would be ticking. Yes! I am speaking of media, movies, and a dream world which plays a very prominent role in the way we think and way we dream. Expectations to lead life just like on a silver screen is a mirage and there is a difference between real and reflective illusion.

Real world advices don’t expect. Expect world says it’s natural to expect and hope. Funnily discovering a safe route is mystified.  

Expectations can be vicious faction

Casting a mirage, making things appear sweeter than honey

Playing tricks on our mind and luring one in

Envisioning a perfect fantasy

Taking that fateful step towards uncertainty

Head high and heart full of blissful unrealistic expectations

Finding oneself stumbling in upon

Nothing but emptiness and shattered dreams welcome

When there is emptiness at the bend

So is the light at the end of the tunnel

'Expect the Unexpected' welcomes to a surprising world

Let go the expectation and accept the celebration

To expect the right things from oneself

  

My vista from the base and top of the mountain ….My take on trekking!

‘Life is calling… where are you!!! This is one of my favorite quote which I borrowed from my dearest friend. When he said this some time back… it just left me thinking. I pep myself saying this when I am lost, when I am low, when I am thinking too deep into something, when I want to come back to the track from anywhere telling myself… Live your calling, what on earth Am I here for!

Something else also strikes me when I think of this line… the feeling I get is:

Mountains are calling … where are you.

Mountains are calling… I must go.

Hike, trek, climb, trudge…. I got introduced to it around twelve springs back, from then on none could stop me from getting hooked to it. Trek is reflection and a thoughtful journey for me. It is a mental drive with physical support. It is a passage metaphorical for life which I want to travel with my dear ones.  A small hike is just an action and sometimes beyond thousand words to elucidate.  

Here is an attempt to explore:

A journey of thousand miles begins with a single step: This is one of a famous adage from Lao Tzu, a philosopher and a poet from ancient China. I used this quote as a first page when I submitted my project report during my last semester of Engineering.   It carries a profound meaning at every stage of life.

When it comes to trek, the first step matters a lot. Mentally you are prepared for an expedition.  You want to try something new.  For first timers it is a new venture. For experienced it is another detour of sagacity. In all these years, my experience with nature when I walk with it is been - I receive more than what I seek.

Life begins at the end of the comfort zone:  In daily mechanical routine life, we just strive to be inside a nutshell, act with pre-decided plan, run behind aspirations, everyday is a step towards that ambition. But at the end, we are all in comfort zones. We go in the same route, work at the same place, interact with same faces, survive in the same dynamics, get tired for the same reason and grumble for trade-offs.

Amidst of all this humdrum and mundane matters, getting on to a hike is coming out of comfort zone for me. This was my first life skill which I learnt when I started hiking.

There is no Wi-Fi in the forest, but trust me you will find better connection:  Not all would join you for what you think you want to discover. In the technology powered life sphere, Wi-Fi might keep you in conversation.  But two in conversation does not mean you are in connection.  This is one march where you get connected lot more in different domains and circles. You know who would want to uncover unknown with you, they stick along together to motivate, to help and assist you reach the peak.  It sounds so symbolic to life.

Believe you can, and you are half way through:  Hope is a little voice which keeps whispering inside me to say ‘just one step more’ when the world is shouting ‘No, give up’. When everything feels uphill struggle, I just think of the view from the peak. When you are at the top of the world you feel nothing is really tough to reach. The path trodden seems miniscule. The natural flights of human mind is not from pleasure to pleasure, but from hope to hope. It keeps you moving, it gives you confidence and a different perspective for every puzzle of life.   

The earth has music for those who listen: The human spirit needs places where nature has not been rearranged by the hand of man. I keep asking myself, what drags me back to tall trees, forest and mountains. Probably, I love to go back to nature in pursuit of my purpose. I love to listen to those little voices which I don’t listen in my daily habitual life. Voice from nature, voice of birds, and voice of my fellow beings.  Along with the persistence to move on, we practice to listen to own self.  

Not all those who wander are lost: Somewhere between the start of the trial and end of the mystery, is this passage to realize and choose to walk everyday towards it.  It feels good to be lost in the right direction when you are on mountains. I climb mountains not because world can see me, but because I can see the world. The endurance, the tolerance, the prudence it teaches me every time I go is immense.  It is an illustration of life itself.

“It’s your path, and yours alone, others may walk it with you. But no one can walk it for you.”

I look back on this and smile because it was LIFE and I decided to live it. 

Few realizations in life!!!!

I choose –

To live by choice, and not by chance

To be motivated, not manipulated

To be useful, not being used

To make changes for good, not excuses

To excel, not to compete

Choose to live with self- esteem,

Choose to listen to my inner voice, not to the random opinion of others.

Choose to live for my personal values & principles, so that others don’t make my decisions

Choose to be trusted and honest, so that I can be true to myself

Few realizations that I have experienced in life for the choices I have made are…

You are bound to experience difficulties

You are bound to be stronger else people will be waiting to see you weak

People intimidate you and push you to corners

They doubt you so that you feel as a failure

They feel insecured because of your confidence, they will have to daunt you so that they survive

People feel envious and try all dirty tricks on you

They feel bitter about you, waiting to take grudge

They will ensure to play foul games, because your fiasco is their target.

So….. WHO ARE THESE who wait to create catastrophe in your life.

There are many around you. At personal, professional and social levels too. The higher you grow, more are numbers. They are this group who are INSECURED          

Insecured about themselves    
Apprehensive about their own lives
Uncertain about their future

Anxious about others success

Self-doubting about their decisions

Incompetent to prove their might 

In reality, a personality which displays timidity, sadistic attitude, cynical, influencing pessimistically, injects suspicion, being pompous & snobbish, being domineering, plays nepotism, obsessive about attention, control freak, power monger, is skeptical and infuses ambiguity….. so on and so forth.

You can be ensured that there are plentiful who are insecured around you if you are a person who chooses to live your life by your choice, your value systems and being good.

Same old anecdote… ‘Difficulty of being good’!!!!

Be ensured to stand strong because you will be propelled from altitudes

Promise to be yourself, because your honesty, sincerity and integrity will be questioned

Pledge to be good, because you will be dragged to eccentric loftiness

Engage to focus on right things, because you will be driven to give up easily

Swear to be a mettle, because you will be tested with heat

All great virtues, ethics, morals, ideals, principles, answerable to one’s own conscience are awfully expensive – you cannot expect it from substandard people.  That’s the rule of nature.

Being a leader by demand, inducing transparency, impelling openness, persuading uprightness, inspiring, leaving an affirmative imprints…. demands to be tested. The path is strenuous & grueling.  That’s again the rule of nature.

Rule of survival says – Be it anyway, human as after all an animal.

Rule if living says – Choose to be human. If you are still an animal, then why being called as civilized & educated!!!

Rule of enlightenment says – Choose to be soul of glory, live your life so that you leave an imprint that even the sands of history can’t erase your name.

Choice is yours!!!!   .. CHOOSE and BE ALERT.

Is Being Good....Good Enough!!!!

There was a HR Summit I attended just last Friday. During one of the panel discussions the speaker mentioned about a book called  “Difficulty of being good” by Gurcharan Das.  Of Course! I have ordered for one and waiting to get into my hands.    

But keeping that apart I was contemplating on the title while driving back - DIFFICULTY OF BEING GOOD

  

 

As a child I was taught to be good. My parents always emphasized on being disciplined, accomplish, being nice to others, responsible, listening to elders and all that you can name as merits of being ranked as good kid. I always thought that was the world out there which expects you to be ‘good & nice’. Good and nice as per the external world, its demands and expectations.

I grew up with all that noble thoughts of ‘Being Good’.  I did all that which makes people around me feel proud of me. 

Today, when I sit back and ponder on difficulties I have faced of being good – layer by layer I could excavate the life’s hardships of striving to hold that fame. When I reflect on that today, all I feel is probably my parents should have taught me thin line difference between ‘being good’ and ‘tolerating’.

Difficulty of being good is that, people expect you to be constant and consistent with the label all the time. Yet! It was your own setting of that expectation that you will strive to keep up your set identity and always want to be branded and named under being called good.

 

I was never taught to ‘Say No’. I was never told the definition of ‘what exactly is tolerating’ and how to overcome that. There by, there would have been many occasions of being controlled indirectly, being told what to do, being advised under various markers, painting nice pictures of what is right.

By compelling myself to be good, I have borne dis-respect & loss, I have experienced where people have taken me for granted, I have faced hardships, suffered pain and hurt. When I self-introspect today, I confidently say, ‘Being good’ is nice. But, being good to oneself is fair.
 

Compromise is courteous, but compromise to what degree!

Forcing one-self for a cause is kind enough, but forcing to what level!

Driving things is wonderful, but ‘Is driving wearing a mask of pushing’!

Self-Imposition with principles is appealing, but is principles in disguise of limitations!

Being remarkable is brilliant, but in the play, are our actions impression-building and striving to keep up the same.

Accomplishments are inspiring, but life does not end if we fail in one of the phase.

Being a role-model is amazing, but counterfeiting grey matters does not help remain in that stature

BE GOOD TO ONESELF is equally important along with being good to others. 

 

I feel - at the end of the episode of life, we are required to answer for our own conscience. When we look back at the life’s pathway, all it matters is the quality of happiness you felt within
 

You tend to spread happiness to the outer world only when you are happy within. You cannot spread happiness when you are feeling miserable within.
You cannot display enthusiasm when you are feeling apathetic internally
You cannot be motivating when you are hopeless.

There are certainly difficulties of being good, probably we are at peace when we segregate it when being good to self and others, then we draw a line between acceptance and tolerance.

This reminds me of few lines of paradoxical commandments – A pragmatic irony of life.

 

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds. Think big anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.  Build anyway.

 

We are here to hear others and listen to ourselves. Seek suggestions and take decisions. This reminds me a popular Bruce Lee’s quote - I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.”

Probably, living life to our own expectations leads to harmony and that harmony should be congruent with our thoughts, words and deeds. Is Being good….. good enough!!!!

 

Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others!

From last 48 hours I have been HEARING music continuously. Sounds crazy!!!
Is Music heard or listened!!!  Obviously, it’s listened and enjoyed. But, let me reiterate I am hearing it just like any other noise around.
 

 

 That’s where I draw my inference that we are at the nth level of sensitivity. We call ourselves as sensitive to others. Being considerate, thoughtful, sympathetic is all what we were taught since childhood. But, I question myself – Do we really realize its significance and adapt one!!

 

What made me to write all this?
 

Since last two days, there is a Ganesha idol and its festival being arranged adjacent to my place. Since its beginning until now, the music is on starting from 6am to 10pm. CONTINUOSLY!!!! I don’t know how many decibels is the sound, but it is heard all through the area. It wakes me up in the morning and never lets me concentrate on anything entire day.

 

Just give a thought for a minute – How many old people are around who need rest and silence! Children have their mid-term exams at this time of the year and they are required to study.

Celebrating festival isn’t pompous. No god seeks flaunting music all the time. It makes me think that, if at all Ganesha is required to listen to this entire day, how he would feel??? Or is it for people to listen to bhajans all the time as a feel good factor. The reality is we can’t concentrate entire day and be in the same mode. This is the time where MUSIC turns to NOISE. All that they play becomes an attention seeker and nothing more. Think about it!!

 

To add to this – the entire road is lit with colorful lights and I saw that the power line was drawn from a local electrical pole. Who should be held responsible for this?

This is not yet it! To have this grand swindle in the name of festival and celebration, local shopkeepers are forced to pay money for this whole spectacle. And we PRAY GOD to make us good and the way we celebrate the entire event is by creating problems to all around, by illegal practices. We aren’t even sensitive in hospital zones as well. It’s the same set of scenes that reappears there.
This is just not it!!

The same history repeats for any local hero’s birthday, any temple anniversary, Diwali festive time and its crackers and so on. The 

crackers are lit until midnight. Even pets fear to get out of their abode during these times because of the noise.

  

Why aren’t we sensitive that we all co-exist and the practices we adapt does create trouble & nuisance to others. Is it not a simple common sense! Cant any celebration happen without noise.!!!

 

Why do we need an overstated showy things attached to celebration! Cant celebration be confined to specific time when in public. Can’t there be a law on respecting people, and their privacy.

 

When I contemplate on these lines – series of absurd behavior we display flashes my mind. Our manners in bus-stops when bus arrives, when in traffic congestion, on roads while driving – In how many occasions we are so insensitive to others. Unconcerned and indifferent while using public property. Spitting, littering, breaking rules are all ‘cool factors’ for us. Else, an intelligent ignorance cog saying ‘A single hand can’t move a mountain’ and add to the same hitch leading to having no difference from others and you. 

When do we learn being sensitive to the things around and also others. The entire elementary education revolves around morality, ethics and value education and keeps teaching that ‘Be considerate’ to others. Cruel reality is that- what we preach and teach is not what we practice.

What does it take to be considerate!
What does it take to be more refined!
What does it take to be matured and adoptable!

Probably the day we can crack this secret, is the day mankind takes an indomitable immense leap.

 

 

 

People need people!

 It is a bright star lit sky,
Its souvenir to people for me, different in many ways
We all glisten the world however small we are
It says you are all similar, But you aren’t same
Yet, we are unique by ourselves

Every life, has a hand of existence
Existence embedded with emotions
Emotions, perceptions, acumen & nous
Changing our approach, stance or outlook
Forming, amending, toning and harmonizing
We grow, we define, we express and we confine
Crafting ourselves to be an exception


PEOPLE - all excite me in every mode and deed
Reading them is stimulating
Being with them is edifying
Moving with them is illuminating
Of all, the truth is – People need people.
To live with, to argue and to forgive
To laugh, to share and to be quiet
Agree to disagree, and to simply feel somewhere we belong
People need people that's a fact,
And that's that, and that's it.