Where to draw a line!

 Scenario 1: (Almost at the end of interview)

Interviewer: Very well, what is your expectation w.r.t CTC? And do you have any offers in hand?

Interviewee: Yes! I have two offers in hand, one is 9.5LPA and another is 10.3LPA. I would like to know what is your offer?

Interviewer: Oh! I see. Aren’t happy with the offers you have, and are you still looking for more. And for 3.5years of experience, that’s a pretty good offer.

Interviewee: Not like that, I am just checking out.

Interviewer: Haven’t you committed in those places.

Interviewee: I have informed at both the places to join, but it depends.

Interviewer: Aren’t you happy about the role! Is that the reason why you are still hunting for a better opportunity!

Interviewee: Hmmm, Role, I can manage. (Goes Silent)

Interviewer: When are you supposed to join either one of them!

Interviewee: I haven’t yet decided, I can decide and tell them when I am ready, but my relieving date in the current company is day after, and I shall decide by then. Probably my current company can retain me, as I have asked them to pay me 11. 

Interviewer: So, one of them would feel at loss if you don’t join them.

Interviewee: Well, if you pay me 12LPA, I shall promise to join you on coming Monday.

Interviewer: I see. 

Scenario 2: (During Sourcing – Telephonic Conversation)  

Company Representative(CR): Hello, I am from XYZ company, and we are looking for 0-1 year of experience in HR who should be a MBA graduate. I see that you are currently working at Domlur as HR Trainee and actively looking for an opportunity.
Candidate:  Yes, but where is your company located?

CR: Well, it is at BTM Layout

Candidate: Oh! I stay in RT Nagar, do you have cab facility?

CR: No, it’s a day job, within city limits, we don’t have one.

Candidate: What is the CTC?

CR: We are open in that option. We are looking for a potential candidate, pay isn’t a constraint

Candidate: Do you have JD. Can you send it across!

CR: Yes, I shall send it. Can you walk me through your profile and tell me about your current role!

Candidate: Send me the JD, I will tell you where I fit in and if I am interested.

CR: Well what is your email ID which you check regularly, can you give that.

Candidate:  It’s the same as in my resume. Please refer. I have no time

(Note: The above position was for a HR profession who is actively looking for a job)

By the way, this isn’t concocted, it is based on a true conversation.  Such statements aren’t surprising if you are in HR profession unless you are in top branded organizations.  

The above conversation is factual across bands, grades and experiences.  

When I heard this, it was a blend of feelings – hiring need, attitude, industry focus, skill gap and so on. This is true irrespective of years of experience. It is doubly true if they carry technical skills. And it is triply true if those technical skills are niche.

Has industry ruined them so much that they are wanting to earn money in no time. It becomes super sensitive if we speak about deserve versus desire.

Have we competed each other to an extent that candidates have two or three offers to spree around and yet aren’t sure what to do and we encourage it because we badly want the position to get filled.  Has it ever made us think on our comprising index!

Most of the interviewers speak about stability, loyalty and commitment to organization during interview & offer process and is one of the parameter to consider to offer them a job. But, yet we overtake it to take a decision. Such traits hold no reverence. With this culture quotient we want leadership traits to be built within the organization.

What is written between lines in the above contexts - 

• We have no clue how to define commitment.
• We have forgotten how to be courteous.
• We don’t know what we really want.
• We have no clue how to be presentable.
• We have no patience to earn with endurance.
• We have no mutual respect to fellow men.
• More than all, we have no value towards what profession we are into!!

Behavioral competency is crucial to deliver a job. But, what behavioral competency are above scenarios projecting!

Skill gap is just not with functional or technical competency. Skill gap should also be evaluated w.r.t personality and how they display through their behavior, interaction, communication and all small aspects that forms them. Do we have grit to say we don’t need candidates who don’t display fundamental values!    

Summarizing it all, only few earn money. For the rest, money earns them. 

                                                   

Was it a ‘The Jungle Book’ or ‘A Life Book’!!!

You are alone exploring the world as you are budding, some you have met right from your birth, who wish you good as they have nurtured and have witnessed you grow. They protect you because they think you are theirs. They mount you with love and affection and you develop intense emotions for them. They handhold thinking you need support unconditionally.

In the journey, you have made friends and enemies, some with no clue. Some you know, some you don’t. Some you hear from, and some you experience. 

Even if man is an animal by theory, he is not a welcome guest in animal group, because he is too intelligent to sustain. He is powerful and his main power is intelligence, power of taking control – control of others and their lives which seems to be a threat for theirs. Just not in animal kingdom, isn’t it the reality in human empire too. Others get threatened with one’s intelligence and constantly wants to be in power. Power of any form in a definite territory.

You get an identity with the genes you carry, and if you seem to be a threat based on past experiences or based on the growth you have or based on danger you may pose to others built on their assumptions, they try to uproot you. Either you obey the supremacy or you fight it out. But when you know you are in a forest and the king is the authority, you have no other prospect to let go and move on to explore yet another world.

Along the journey you meet-

Akela and Raksha and many other guardians who are extremely affectionate and always want to see you good. They trust you completely, they protect you and guide you. They teach you values of life and to endure. You may never be able to repay their affection.

You meet Bagheera who seems to be tough, but loves you and mentors you to beat your own record. It’s rare to find such species, beware of loosing.

You meet many unknown hands who help you in various ways, but you will have one cheerful Baloo who loves you, who sticks to you, loves to spend time with you, but won’t tell you that they love you so much. They stand for you when the time is testing. They are worth an asset

You also meet materialistic Louie, who is interested to extract your best and may do anything with you later. They are the people constantly who are on look-out for power and control. Taking advantage of situation, people and time runs constantly at their backend.

Oh! How sweet, they are my best well wishers. I can’t even think anyone can be protective than them. It seems that I will go to sleep eyes opened with them, they sound to be so caring and shielding. Hey Buddy! More than half the world are sweet stabbers. You don’t know they might gulp you until the last minute.

Should there be a special mention of someone who hates you from every angle. Challenge is that they might not fight with you openly as ShereKhan but they display their animosity evidently. They are mighty and dominant – it’s apparent and obvious. You have no option apart from facing it.

Hard-hitting things might land up in various forms of challenge, struggles, tussles and disputes. You may try sharing and helping someone, and from other end same party may snatch things from you. There are many who aren’t bothered about your existence, and there are many who takes you as a coexister until you seem to be a menace to them. There are few who would help you in return if you help them.

You believe, you compete, you think, you explore, you are inquisitive, you wait, you defend, you are scared, you are angry, you are joyful, you are helpful, and more than all you are a HUMAN, and you need to behave like a HUMAN.

It’s not about where you came from!

It’s not about where you belong to

It’s not about what would you bring in future

It’s all about WHO YOU ARE and How does the world really perceive you!

Lifelong Parading of 'I EXIST"

We learn, from the moment we sight on this terrain

We absorb from the nature and people encircling us

We discover, as we are taught

We realize concepts & aspects implicitly and silently

We understand as we grow, nurture it with our perceptions.

Learn, understand, contemplate, envisage and reflect

Hushed progression that is part of our existence

Learn, because it crafts living

Understand, as it is a form of endurance

Contemplate, for we perceive and persist

Envisage, because we are ambitious and aspire

Reflect as we foster and evolve.

Establish an identity as we interpret

Develop on the dexterities

From the spell....from the nature…

From inmates.....from the society...

Relentless parading to attest ‘I exist’, ‘I exist’, ‘I exist’…..

ಹತಾಶೆ ಎಂಬ ಚಕ್ರ ಸುಳಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ಸಿಕ್ಕಾಗ ...

ಮನಸ್ಸು ತುಂಬ ಭಾರ ಆಗಿದೆ ಅಕ್ಕ ಅಂತ ಮಂಜು ಹೇಳಿದಾಗ ಅದರ ಆಳ ಗೊತ್ತಿದೆ ಅಂಸ್ತ್ತು. ಆತಂಕ, ಎದೆಭಾರ, ಕಳವಳ, ತುಡಿತ, ಕೊರಗು, ಯೋಚನೆ, ದುಗುಡ, ವ್ಯಾಕುಲತೆ - ಎಲ್ಲವೂ ಒಟ್ಟಿಗೆ ಸೇರಿ ತರುವ ಉಮ್ಮಳತೆ ಮನಸನ್ನ ಖಿನ್ನತೆಗೆ ತಳ್ಳುತ್ತದೆ. ಅದರ ನೋವು ಅನುಭಸುವನಿಗೆ ಮಾತ್ರ ಗೊತ್ತು. ಹೇಳ್ತಾರಲ್ಲ ನೀರಲ್ಲಿ ಇಳಿದವನಿಗೆ ಮಾತ್ರ ಅದರ ಆಳ ಗೊತ್ತು ಅಂತ ... ಇಧು ಹಾಗೆ.

ಏನನ್ನ ಮಾಡಿದರೆ ನನ್ನ ಸಮಸ್ಯೆಗೆ ಪರಿಹಾರ ಸಿಗತ್ತೆ!! ಈ ಕಷ್ಟಗಳು ಯಾವಾಗ ಪರಿಹಾರ ಆಗತ್ತೆ !!! ನನಗೇ ಆಗಬೇಕ ಇದು!!! ಈ ತೊಡಕುಗಳಿಗೆ ಕೊನೇನೆ ಇಲ್ವ!! ಇಷ್ಟು ದುಡಿದರೆ ನನ್ಗೆ ಸಾಕು. ಇಷ್ಟು ಸಂಪಾದನೆ ಆದರೆ ಸಾಕು, ಈ ಕೆಲಸ ಆಗಿ ಬಿಟ್ರೆ ತಿರುಪತಿ ತಿಮಪ್ಪನ ದರ್ಶನ ಮಾಡಿ ಬರ್ತಿನಿ. ಪರೀಕ್ಷೆ ನಲ್ಲಿ ಪಾಸಾದರೆ ಮುಡಿ ಕೊಡ್ತಿನಿ ಎಂದು ದೇವರಿಗೆ ನಾನಾ ರೀತಿಯ ಬೇಡಿಕೆಗಳು. ಇಲ್ಲಿಂದ ಪ್ರಾರಂಭವಾಗಿ ಮಧುವೆ ಹಾಗು ಭವಿಷ್ಯದ ಚಿಂತೆ, ಕುಡುಕ ಗಂಡನ, ಮನೆಯ ಜವಾಬ್ಧಾರಿ ಇಲ್ಲದೆ ಅಲೆಯುವ ಹತಾಶೆ ಯಷ್ಟೋ ಹೆಣ್ಣು ಮಕ್ಕಳ ಗೋಳು. ಇವೆಲ್ಲಾ ಕಂಡಾಗ ಹತಾಶೆ ಎಷ್ಟು ದೊಡ್ಡ ಪದ ಅನ್ಸುತ್ತೆ. ಪದದ ಜೊತೆ ಮಿಳಿತವಾಗಿರೋದು ಮನಸಿನ ಆ ಭಾವನೆ. ಆ ಭಾವನೆಗೆ ಸಾವಿರಾರು ಕಾರಣಗಳು.

ಈ ಸಮಯಕ್ಕೆ ಇಷ್ಟಾದರೆ ಸಾಕು ಎಂದು ಹಪಪಿಸುವ ಮನಸ್ಸು ಒಂದೆಡೆಯಾದರೆ, ಮನಸಿನ ತುಂಬ ತುಂಬಿರುವ ಆತಂಕ. ದುಗುಡ ದೇಹದಲ್ಲಿರುವ ಅರ್ಧ ತ್ರಾಣವನ್ನ ಕರಗಿಸಿರುತ್ತೆ. ಯಾವುಧೇ ಕೆಲಸದಲ್ಲಿ ಉತ್ಸಾಹವಿಲ್ಲ, ಮಾಡಿ ಮುಗಿಸಬೇಕು ಅನ್ನೋ ಶಕ್ತಿ ಇಲ್ಲ.  ಯಾಕೆ ಏನು ನಡಿತಿಲ್ಲ ಅನ್ನೋ ನೋವು, ಮುಂದೆ ಏನ್ ಮಾಡಬೇಕು ಅನ್ನೋ ಆತಂಕ, ಈ ಕೆಲಸ ಆದ್ರೆ ಸಾಕಪ್ಪ ಅನ್ನೋ ಚಿಕ್ಕ ಭಾವನೆ ಇಂದ ಹಿಡಿದು ಬದುಕು ಇಷ್ಟೇನಾ ಅನ್ನೋ ವರ್ಗು ಕರೆದೊಯ್ಯುವ ಈ ಹತಾಶೆ ಪ್ರತಿಯೊಬ್ಬರ ಅನುಭವದಲ್ಲಿರುತ್ತೆ. ಈ desperation ಒಮೊಮ್ಮೆ ಏನೇನೊ ಮಾಡಿಸಿ ಬಿಡುತ್ತೆ. ಕಳ್ತನದಿಂದ ಕೊಲೆಯವರೆಗೂ ಈ ಹತಾಶೆ ಕೆಲಸ ಮಾಡಿಸಿರುತ್ತೆ. ದುಶ್ಚಟಗಳಿಂದ ಆತ್ಮ ಹತ್ಯೆಯ ವರೆಗೂ ಕರೆದೊಯುತ್ತೆ. ಇದರ ಆಳ ಬಲ್ಲವನೇ ಬಲ್ಲ.

ಮನಸಿನ ಖಿನ್ನತೆ ಯಾವುದೇ ವಯ್ಸಿಗೆ ಸೀಮಿತವಲ್ಲ. ಚಿಕ್ಕ ಮಕ್ಕಳಿಗೂ ಖಿನ್ನತೆ ಉಂಟಾಗತ್ತೆ. ದೊಡ್ಡವರಿಗೂ ಹೇಳಿಕೊಳ್ಳಲು ಇಷ್ಟ ಪಡುವುದಿಲ್ಲ, ಮಕ್ಕಳಿಗೆ ಹೇಳಿಕೊಳ್ಳಲು ಅರ್ಥವಾಗುವುದಿಲ್ಲ. ಆದರೆ ಹಾವ ಭಾವಗಳಲ್ಲಿ, ನಡೆ ನುಡಿಗಳಲ್ಲಿ ಎದ್ಧು ಕಾಣುವ ಈ ಖಿನ್ನತೆ ಮನಸಿಗ್ಗೆ ಹತ್ತಿರವಿರುವ ವರೆಗೆ ಮಾತ್ರ ಅರ್ಥವಾಗುವ ಸ್ಥಿತಿ. ಹತಾಶೆಯ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ವಾಸ್ತವ ಇದಾದರೆ ಇದರಿಂದ ಹೊರ ಬರುವ ದಾರಿ.... ಕಷ್ಟ ಬಂದಾಗ ಸಮಯಕ್ಕೆ ಸಿಗದಿರುವ ವಸ್ತು 'ಸಾಹಾಯ'... ತುಂಬಾ ಸರಾಗವಾಗಿ ಸಿಗುವ ವಸ್ತು 'ಸಲಹೆ'. There is enough advice but none helps. ಇದು ಮನಸ್ಸಿನ  ಖಿನ್ನತೆಗು ಬದುಕಿನ ತಪತ್ರಯಗಳಿಗೂ ವಿಸ್ತರಿಸುವ ಸತ್ಯ.

ಜೀವನದಲ್ಲಿ ನಾನು ಈ  ಖಿನ್ನತೆಗೆ ಒಳಗಾಗಿದ್ದೇನೆ. ೨೦೦೦ದ ಇಸವಿಯಲ್ಲಿ peak recession ಪಿರಿಯಡ್... ಓದು ಮುಗಿಸಿದ ವರ್ಷ. ಕೆಲಸಕ್ಕಾಗಿ ಅಲೆದ ವರ್ಷ.ಈಗಲೆ ಬರಬೇಕ ಈ recession,  ಹಣೆಬರಹವೇ ಸರಿಯಿಲ್ಲ ಎಂದು ಎಷ್ಟೋ ಬಾರಿ ಅನಿಸಿದ್ದುಂಟು. ಈ ಸಮಯದಲ್ಲಿ ಬದುಕಿನ ಒಂದು ನಿಜ ಅರ್ಥವಾಗಿದ್ದು ... ಎಷ್ಟೇ ಬುದ್ಧಿಯಿದ್ದರು, ಎಷ್ಟೇ ಅಂಕಗಳು ಬಂದಿದ್ದರು, ಈ ಹತಾಶೆಎಂಬ ಭೂತಕ್ಕೆ ನಮ್ಮ ಆತ್ಮವಿಶ್ವಾಸವನ್ನ ನಿಮಿಷಗಳಲ್ಲಿ ಕೊಂದು ಹಾಕುವ ಸಾಮರ್ಥ್ಯವಿದೆ.  ಎಷ್ಟೇ ದೃಡ ನಿರ್ಧಾರ ಮಾಡಿದರೂ,  ಎಷ್ಟೇ ಪ್ರಚಂಡ ಬುದ್ಧಿಯಿದ್ದರು,  ಎಷ್ಟೇ ಉತ್ಕಟ ಇಚ್ಛೆಯಿದ್ದರು, ಹತಾಶೆ ಬೆನ್ನು ಬಿಡದ ಬೇತಾಳ. ನೀವೇ ಅದನ್ನ ಹೊರ ದಬ್ಬುವ ತನಕ ಅದು ನಿಮನ್ನು ಬಿಟ್ಟು ಹೋಗದು.

ಈ ಸ್ಥಿತಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ಏನು ಹೇಳಿದರು ಮಾಡಲಿಕ್ಕೆ ಹೊರಟು ಬಿಡುತ್ತೇವೆ. ಇದು ನನ್ನ ಚಿಕ್ಕಪ್ಪನ ಸಾವು ನೆನಪು ತರುವ ವಿಷಯ ಕೂಡ. ಆರು ವರ್ಷಗಳ ಹಿಂದೆ ಒಂದು ಅಪಘಾತಕ್ಕೆ ಸಿಕ್ಕಿ ಆಸ್ಪತ್ರೆ ಸೇರೆದಾಗ, ಮನೆಯಲ್ಲಿ ಎಲ್ಲರಿಗು ಆಗಾಥ ತಂದ ವಿಷಯ. ಬಹಳ ಪ್ರಿಯರಾಗಿದ್ದ ಅವರ ಇಲ್ಲದಿರುವಿಕೆ ನನ್ಗೆ ಊಹಿಸಿಕೊಳ್ಳಲಿಕ್ಕೆ ಆಗದ ವಿಷಯವಾಗಿತ್ತು. ಹದಿನೆಂಟು ದಿನಗಳು ಆ ಆಸ್ಪತ್ರೆಯ ವಾಸ, ನನ್ನಲ್ಲಿ ಯಾವ ಮಟ್ಟಿಗೆ desperation ತಂದಿತ್ತು ಎಂದಿದ್ದರೆ ಏನು ಮಾಡಲಿಕ್ಕೂ ತಯಾರಾಗಿ ನಿಂತಿದ್ದೆ. ರಸ್ತೆಯ ಮೂಲೆಯಲ್ಲಿರುವ ಕಲ್ಲಿಗೆ ಪೂಜೆ ಮಾಡಲು ಸಿದ್ದಳಿದ್ದೆ. ಅದೇ Desperation. It can make you do anything .

ಅಸಾಹಯಕತೆ,ಆತಂಕ,ದುಗುಡ, ದುಃಖ -- ಎಲ್ಲವೂ ಸೇರಿ ನಮ್ಮ ಮನಸ್ಸಿಗೆ ಆಗುವ ಈ ಭಾವನೆಗಳ ಮಹಾಪೂರ, ಅದರ ಯಾತನೆ ಕೆಳಲೊಲ್ಲದು. ನಿಜ ಎಂದರೆ ಸಾಕಷ್ಟು desperate ಸಂದರ್ಭಗಳು ನಮ್ಮ ಶಕ್ತಿಗೆ ಮೀರಿದಂತಹವು. ಇಲ್ಲವಾದರೆ ಕೆಲಸ ಆಗುವಿಕೆಗು ತೊಡಕು ತಂದಿಡುವವು. ಆತ್ಮವಿಶ್ವಾಸ  ಕೊಲ್ಲುವಂತಹವು. ನಂಬಿಕೆ ಕಳೆದು ಕೊಳ್ಳುವಂತಹವು. ಭರವಸೆ ನಾಶ ಗೊಳಿಸುವಂತಹವು.
ನಮ್ಮೊಳ್ಳಗೆ ನಿರುಪಯುಕ್ತತೆ ಎಂಬ ಬೀಜಬಿತ್ತಿ ಅದೇ ಹೆಮ್ಮರವಾಗಿ ಬೆಳೆಯಲು ಬಿಟ್ಟಿರುತ್ತೇವೆ. ಆ ದಿನಗಳಲ್ಲಿ ಅದರ ಬಗ್ಗೆಯೇ ಚಿಂತೆ ಮಾಡಿರುತ್ತೇವೆ. ಕೂತಲ್ಲೇ ಕೂತಿರುತ್ತೇವೆ. ಸಿಕ್ಕಾಪಟ್ಟೆ ನಿದ್ದೆ ಮಾಡಿರುತ್ತೇವೆ. ಇದರ ಹೊರತು, ವಾಸ್ತವ ಹಾಗು ಉಪದ್ರವಕ್ಕೆ ಪರಿಹಾರ ವೆಂಬುದು ಮುಸುಕು ಹಾಕಿ ಮೂಲೆಯಲ್ಲಿ ಕುಳಿತಿರುತ್ತದೆ. ಕೂತಲ್ಲಿಂದ ನಮ್ಮನ್ನ ನಾವೇ ಬಡಿದೆಬ್ಬಿಸಿ ಅದನ್ನು ಎಚ್ಚರಿಸಿ, ನಮ್ಮ ಶಕ್ತಾನುಸಾರ ಈ ಸಂದರ್ಭಕ್ಕೆ ಏನು ಮಾಡಬೇಕು ಎಂಬುದು ಮಾತ್ರ ತಲೆ ತುಂಬಿಸಿದರೆ ಅದು ಬುದ್ದಿವಂತರ ಲಕ್ಷಣ.

ನನ್ನ ಅನುಭವಗಳಿಂದ ಇವತ್ತಿಗೂ ಜ್ಞಾಪಕವಿರುವ ವಿಷಯ - Differentiate between what depends on you and what not.

ಪ್ರಕೃತಿ, ಸಮಾಜಕ್ಕೆ, ಪರಮಾರ್ಥಕ್ಕೆ ಬಿಟ್ಟಿರೋದೇನು, ನನಗೇನು ಸಾಧ್ಯ. ಹಾಗು ಅಸಾಧ್ಯವಾದದ್ದೇನು! 
ಜಗತ್ತನ್ನ ಬದಲಾಯಿಸಲು ಹೊರಡುವ ಮುನ್ನ ಜಸ್ಟ್ ಕನ್ನಡಿ ಮುಂದೆ ನಿಂತು 'ನೀನು ಬದಲಾಯಿಸ್ಕೋ' - ಅಷ್ಟು ಸಾಕು. ನನ್ನ ತಾಪತ್ರಯಗಳು ನನ್ನವು, ಅದಕ್ಕೆ ನಾನೇ ಪರಿಹಾರ ಅಂತ ಹೇಳಿ ಮುಂದೆ ಹೆಜ್ಜೆ ಹಾಕಿ. ನಾನು ಮಾಡಿದ್ದು ಇದನ್ನೆ.  ಪುಟ್ಟ ಪುಟ್ಟ ಹೆಜ್ಜೆಗಳು ... ನಿರಂತರ ಹೆಜ್ಜೆಗಳು. 

Expectations Redefined!!

Pre-monsoon showers have hit Bangalore and today was one of those evenings as 

I was sipping my tea watching rain outside,  I had put on the music and one of my favorite song started playing…  

"Kahin Door Jab Din Dhal Jaye….." 

The most meaningful lines I have been cherishing in this melody is     

Kahin To Yeh Dil Kabhi Mil Nahin Paate | Kahin Pe Nikal Aaye Janmon Ke Naate

Ghani Thi Uljhan Bairi Apna Man |Apna Hi Hoke Sahe Dard Paraye...  Kahin Door..

Sometimes  the things are unable to come together, and somewhere else connections of lifetime emerge.  The roots of this conundrum is my own mind which becomes my enemy inspite of being mine.

Yet, enduring the pain of another is the best meaning I can extract and relate out of the above lines.

Well, with this a spark spurred in my mind and the thoughts started flowing around those lines of RELATIONSHIPS, CONNECTIONS, KITH & KIN … whatever we may want to term it as.

It became profound, inscrutable and intense as I thought more about it. As it grew

multifaceted, I rerouted myself to abstract the essence and obscurity of the relations we develop in life, the ripened trust in those relations, affection we show and expect things out from other end. I reflected more on expectations due to my latest experience in expecting from other end. I was uneasy when it did not happen, was anxious until I lessened my impatience, kind of worried and upset as well. But, I could regulate myself is definitely another story to write. 

I landed to write the roots on EXPECTATIONS. For this moment it holds my mind as the kernel point of kith’s and kin’s.

EXPECTATION – appears as a combination of emotions such as ‘Anticipation, Hopefulness, Likelihood, Prospect, Desire, Want, Wish, Dream, Yearn’ … though they aren’t synonyms for expectation, they stand as kind of reserves for it which takes different forms and outlines in the binding of the bond.  

· Why do we expect in relationships!

· What kind & magnitude of love and affection do we relate to in these interactions! Do we associate a need for emotional love in these associations! Is it the general psychological human tendency!

· Much better a question is what part of us feels good, and what are we trying to guard ourselves from, by sensing these expectations to come true!

Evolutionary psychology states that the conception of emotions were enabled in limbic system and have evolved with time and the natural selection was towards adapting emotions to solve problems, protect ourselves and our clans, survive desperate circumstances and procreate. I feel there is a strong link between our ego and our emotions.  Under the classic Freudian psychological set up, I believe, there is this  ID, your mode of being “I need what I want’, it is drive to crave in the name of requirement. The superego is you in your ethical & moral self (if you have it), it is the belief of yes vs no that’s hoarded over  years of upbringing embedded with life experiences.  Both these phases of want, influences judgments and outlook we mature which has emotions at all phases.  

So, why do we expect!!  It all drills down to a separate self-sensed illusion, our ego trying to get something for itself to compensate for a deep desire of fulfilling an aspiration or probably might erupt out of feeling of insecurity or absence of something which might be due to a perception or sheer comparison.

Ego boosts when we see what we expected becomes a reality, senses feel excited about it. On the contrary, if it does not... what we term it as reality, pushes us in disturbed and distressed mode.

It is definitely a general human psychological want to love and be loved. Why!!! 

Love is an emotion that brings us joy(or sorrow!!! - relative term). Feelings of personal attachment since childhood, it can relate to any other relation that gets associated in later part of life. It can take forms of fondness, affection, passion including romance.  But, the experience of love is been taught and adapted in such a way to give and take. And the TAKE form takes a form in the form of EXPECTATION.  The magnitude and its style will differ because it’s our sheer individual acuity. Sometimes we expect from others because we would be willing to do that much for them. And equally forget at that moment that the other individual is just like a discrete character like us whose sensitivities and emotions are theirs own and might not be applicable to be equivalent.  There are quite a lot of inspirational quotes to advice not to expect,’ expectation brings disappointment’, ‘lesser you expect, more you are happy’ so on and so forth. When I feel an emotion of soreness probably because of expectation, I re-look at myself with some tinge of self-awareness which positively brings me back to actuality and puts me in ease.

I rethink on expectations – Majority of our Expectations is very near to ideal world. A united realm of perfectionism. It’s time to revisit those attached expectations and evaluate how near is it to reality.

I have started enumerating the number of people who often dishearten me by failing in not meeting expectations. By accepting the feeling of disappointment I am favoring myself to be more nigh to practicality which helps me from drawing a pattern on subsequent behaviors of few people in the list.

Very significant element I ascertain is the difference between expectation, influence and dependence – We often disregard dependence in close relationships by imparting expectations. The closer is the relationship, proportional is the expectation because it usually gets emotionally committed.  It is sometimes amusing the way we think and the way we would have got influenced and behind the brain the comparison in the form of want would be ticking. Yes! I am speaking of media, movies, and a dream world which plays a very prominent role in the way we think and way we dream. Expectations to lead life just like on a silver screen is a mirage and there is a difference between real and reflective illusion.

Real world advices don’t expect. Expect world says it’s natural to expect and hope. Funnily discovering a safe route is mystified.  

Expectations can be vicious faction

Casting a mirage, making things appear sweeter than honey

Playing tricks on our mind and luring one in

Envisioning a perfect fantasy

Taking that fateful step towards uncertainty

Head high and heart full of blissful unrealistic expectations

Finding oneself stumbling in upon

Nothing but emptiness and shattered dreams welcome

When there is emptiness at the bend

So is the light at the end of the tunnel

'Expect the Unexpected' welcomes to a surprising world

Let go the expectation and accept the celebration

To expect the right things from oneself

  

My vista from the base and top of the mountain ….My take on trekking!

‘Life is calling… where are you!!! This is one of my favorite quote which I borrowed from my dearest friend. When he said this some time back… it just left me thinking. I pep myself saying this when I am lost, when I am low, when I am thinking too deep into something, when I want to come back to the track from anywhere telling myself… Live your calling, what on earth Am I here for!

Something else also strikes me when I think of this line… the feeling I get is:

Mountains are calling … where are you.

Mountains are calling… I must go.

Hike, trek, climb, trudge…. I got introduced to it around twelve springs back, from then on none could stop me from getting hooked to it. Trek is reflection and a thoughtful journey for me. It is a mental drive with physical support. It is a passage metaphorical for life which I want to travel with my dear ones.  A small hike is just an action and sometimes beyond thousand words to elucidate.  

Here is an attempt to explore:

A journey of thousand miles begins with a single step: This is one of a famous adage from Lao Tzu, a philosopher and a poet from ancient China. I used this quote as a first page when I submitted my project report during my last semester of Engineering.   It carries a profound meaning at every stage of life.

When it comes to trek, the first step matters a lot. Mentally you are prepared for an expedition.  You want to try something new.  For first timers it is a new venture. For experienced it is another detour of sagacity. In all these years, my experience with nature when I walk with it is been - I receive more than what I seek.

Life begins at the end of the comfort zone:  In daily mechanical routine life, we just strive to be inside a nutshell, act with pre-decided plan, run behind aspirations, everyday is a step towards that ambition. But at the end, we are all in comfort zones. We go in the same route, work at the same place, interact with same faces, survive in the same dynamics, get tired for the same reason and grumble for trade-offs.

Amidst of all this humdrum and mundane matters, getting on to a hike is coming out of comfort zone for me. This was my first life skill which I learnt when I started hiking.

There is no Wi-Fi in the forest, but trust me you will find better connection:  Not all would join you for what you think you want to discover. In the technology powered life sphere, Wi-Fi might keep you in conversation.  But two in conversation does not mean you are in connection.  This is one march where you get connected lot more in different domains and circles. You know who would want to uncover unknown with you, they stick along together to motivate, to help and assist you reach the peak.  It sounds so symbolic to life.

Believe you can, and you are half way through:  Hope is a little voice which keeps whispering inside me to say ‘just one step more’ when the world is shouting ‘No, give up’. When everything feels uphill struggle, I just think of the view from the peak. When you are at the top of the world you feel nothing is really tough to reach. The path trodden seems miniscule. The natural flights of human mind is not from pleasure to pleasure, but from hope to hope. It keeps you moving, it gives you confidence and a different perspective for every puzzle of life.   

The earth has music for those who listen: The human spirit needs places where nature has not been rearranged by the hand of man. I keep asking myself, what drags me back to tall trees, forest and mountains. Probably, I love to go back to nature in pursuit of my purpose. I love to listen to those little voices which I don’t listen in my daily habitual life. Voice from nature, voice of birds, and voice of my fellow beings.  Along with the persistence to move on, we practice to listen to own self.  

Not all those who wander are lost: Somewhere between the start of the trial and end of the mystery, is this passage to realize and choose to walk everyday towards it.  It feels good to be lost in the right direction when you are on mountains. I climb mountains not because world can see me, but because I can see the world. The endurance, the tolerance, the prudence it teaches me every time I go is immense.  It is an illustration of life itself.

“It’s your path, and yours alone, others may walk it with you. But no one can walk it for you.”

I look back on this and smile because it was LIFE and I decided to live it.