I firmly believe in a quote which says:’ In life, people come for a reason, a season and a life time’. I believe it because I have experienced it. Not that I am speaking like a veteran, but sometimes I strongly feel that experience teaches you live than reading a snippet and relate to it and comprehend your thoughts according to what the speaker or author says.
Well, why did I feel like writing this and what made me reflect on this quote so deeply was an incident that occurred today. A very old friend of mine, who was a senior in my high school and who was eventually a college mate too dropped into my place completely unexpected. It was a usual chit-chat, but after she left, I sprinted into my past and started thinking. There are quite a number of people who have entered my life until now and naturally it does not stop unless and until I am house arrested and cut off the communication from the world.
But, what really made me contemplate is ‘Why people stick to us?’ ‘What is that trigger which keeps the clock ticking’, Or At last there is one day they walk out of our life or we voluntarily walk out of their lives with some bitterness or sweetness leaving memories to cherish Or situation that pushes Or priorities change. We never realise unless one day we think about it and give it a thought.
Many of them come into our lives for a very stipulated period of time, they are there because they have reason to baton. They play their role and slowly the relationship fades. The next category is for a season. This is something which makes me baffled. What I have noticed is that this relationship has an exponential growth and not a linear one. All of a sudden we start feeling that this person is such a significant part of life and sometimes we also tend to feel that this person might stick on until one of us are alive. Or it’s an unbreakable relationship. Something like an Ad which says Fevicol ka Majbooth jod hai, tootega nahi. But, what leaves me muddled is, this person dwindles or dies away for a specific reason either from one of the ends. We can also walk away voluntarily, or the other person might abandon us. The period is certainly a season where we would have cherished the moments and one day we recognize that the life of it was only so much. The last category is arbitrary and exceptional too. There are extremely very few who enlist in this zone. The fact becomes implicit only by passing years. They stay with us with all those passing springs and join hands in our pleasure and whimpers of life. We tend to relate to them more and only time decides this bond. Indeed we can count the number of personalities in this precinct.
Well, let me narrate you why I feel perplexed about the second category and what makes me strong on the value systems of the third. I have had experiences with few friends along this journey who have made this credence stronger. I particularly choose friends because they are the only category who can come in and go any time. Whether you meet them at school or college or workplace or a public transport or during travel or any other place you may want to name. And the term ‘Friend’ is as easy as gulping water. You can term any relationship under this category.
My first experience was with this friend at my first workplace. Supriya was a fond friend of mine with whom I have spent countless number of hours at office. We ate together, we travelled together, we shopped together, we had been to eachother’s place etc etc etc. And indeed I thought that she would stay along for the rest of my life. As I quit my first job there was no trace of hers in my life just like a lotus leaf pulled out of water. Lotus leaf when on water seems to have twigged to water, but when you actually pull it out there is not even a trace of droplet on it. The second experience is something like long lasting with a lesson learnt too. Probably, I feel all of us should beware of such friends. It’s a history now where we were good friends who had some common friends in the group too. This friendship indeed had a speedy growth and in no time it seemed to be so strong and solid. A couple of years passed and it was still on. We spoke on diversified topics and it was a good knowledge sharing sessions too. It turned unusual that sometimes I felt that we were speaking more on a common friend of ours. And I was so imprudent during first two to three meetings and I just used to share all the information known and she was extracting more from me. And I just did not have a clue until one day very recently I realised that the intention of meeting me was to extract information and nothing else. This actually did not hurt me much and I became more cautious. What troubled me was the controlling behaviour. Unless you have someone in this frequency, you cannot apprehend on what I am trying to explain. Most of the times we don’t understand the difference between care and control
Generally, care comes with sharing problems and ‘being there kinds’. The next level of which is advice and suggestions in the form of empathy. But there is a very thin film in between which I could isolate. There were literally few occasions where I was expected to act and behave on the advices provided to me which indeed choked me to a great extent. I am not a person who tend to act and change myself based on someone’s experience. I cannot stop myself exploring a path when someone says ‘It’s dangerous’. It looks irrational when one says-‘I have had terrible experience with a person, so you don’t talk to him’. I don’t appreciate judging someone based on someone else’s opinion about that person. I am not a person who can act on advices and change myself just because you like me as what you want me to be. I listen to all, but I take my decisions. Finally, when this demeanour persisted, I preferred a voluntary separation. We parted ways. We remain as water and lotus leaf. Funnily after this incident I feel like hanging a board ‘Beware of me’ to this friend of mine.
Last but not the least, is my favourite category who remain with us and our life until we are conscious and perceptive about this world. And comically we actually never know who is who, because time is the only dimension which decides and as of now – I cannot arbitrate or articulate anything under this. But for sure I can vouch that they are the real assets for life. We just need to give them time and in return we can lay our head on their shoulders and can take a deep breathe. We can have the best of the conversations amidst of being silent. Probably the best proverb ‘a friend in need is a friend in deed’ was made beholding them.