Sunday, December 12, 2010

Reach Out!

“If you reach out to the world with all that you have, like a star, you can never be hidden no matter where you are”.
This is a rich country but still we are required to call ourselves as developing nation.
Our society has affluent culture and tradition, yet discernment is a major part of it.
People are open & broad, they are obliging & co-operative yet we suffer from distress & miseries.
It’s an unusual combination of contradictions.

Drilling deep into objective minds and subjective experiences, today’s minds are really hungry for unconditional & serene listeners.
Responsibilities, roles, duties, tasks, manifold management at multiple places-all makes this society into a small world of involuntary actions and motorized living.
Let us think for a while and count for how many relationships we give time genuinely. It is indeed sad to say that many of us have no time for most intimate relationships. We search for words if ever the conversation extends for more than a hour or two. We are too engaged to talk and share. We are too busy to have an update, we are occupied to attend them. We are in demand for ourselves even for a call.
Ah! There comes a day we realize this facet of chaotic life. Just to release all the bars, hug children around, get a gift to spouse, meet parents to say you care… and blow horns to announce. “Let’s get together”. There comes the evening with all of them in bright colors fully clad and decked, children playing around, ladies forming a cluster, above sixties another. One can breath eat, drink and talk in full zoom. As slowly the time ticks, everyone feels elated to have met. Yet again this cycle repeats once a year or twice.
If we can call this as sharing, we can also call a blank paper as currency. All it means is, physically both are papers, but currency has a value. It makes difference. Recognize the value addition in relationships.
We all stumble while journeying through this life, we find comfort while we have hand to hold. You should have been a holding hand before you can hold on to some one else’s. That’s sharing.

Nature gave us one tongue and two ears so we could hear twice as much as we speak. Listen is the main ingredient. Add fragments of trust, respect, care and warmth. Maintaining confidence is the final icing which bakes relationship much tastier & healthier. That’s sharing.
Being kind with no conditional assumptions that all we say should be accepted. Watch out on advices, suggestions and words to cease it with limitations. That’s sharing.

Try to remove your shoes before you can virtually imagine wearing someone else’s. Understanding and empathizing positively makes sense only then. That’s sharing.
All said and done, this is not a new topic that I started to revolutionize. We know facts and essentials, but we still loose out on small truths.
We realize the rudiments of abundant hungry hearts and thirsty minds for that speck of care & share. But do we reach out!

Truly wise thoughts have been thought already thousands of times; but to make them truly ours, we must think them over again honestly, till they take root in our personal experience.

Ego–Gets Deep As You Delve

Off late I see lot of folks tossing around the word EGO and they present the word seeming to have comprehended the meaning around it.
But often it seems to me, as an unknown factor and sometimes a complex concept to apprehend.
What is Ego? was my question, and I was startled with the vivid flavour of responses I received.

a) Ego is I, it creates my icon
b) Ego is my emotional energy
c) Its ME becoming bigger than MYSELF
d) Ego is ‘Aham' (Sanskrit)
e) Its my consciousness
f) Ego is the one who helps me in giving my identity.
g) Ego is my shield
h) It's a physiological and a psychological tie
i) It is my reflection/shadow
k) EGO…. Ahhh! It just needs to GO… from I
l) Its my best pal, it follows me all the time, I am lost in its absence.
m) Ego is still a stranger for me
n) Ego is an enemy within, it curbs my growth.
o) Ego is our ideas, persona & it represents oneself.
My thought process crisscrossed all these notions. Each reflection can be contemplated with innate concepts. Yet it seems to be a complex constitution.
In a common dialect one approaches to say Ego as ‘pride about oneself'. Physical body, mind, intellectuality, emotions, possessiveness towards ‘me' and my things. Conceit of ‘I' ness and awareness about oneself.
A spiritual concept of ego is that, a dark circle surrounds a bright soul which eventually adds negativity and pulls the flow of grace from almighty.
But, for a moment I am still inquisitive to know about the ingredients of that dark circle. It's a subtle picture in my mind.
I some times think that ego is that part which wants to create an impression of ourselves. It is a fear of creating& retaining that image. It is insecurity which does not want to get disclosed. Ego is also an apprehension towards failure when it is settled in a cosy zone. Ego is happy with appreciation. Ego strives for being called perfect and wants to be called as perfectionist. Ego is false humility and a deep rooted thought that gets satisfied with being called as superior. Ego does not want to seek help. Ego is also being with feeling of all in control with the sole reason being ‘I'. My thought flow just kept streaming like a current which encouraged to excavate more on cognitive perspective of E…G…O.
The most fascinating part of our cognitive mind has three distinct states.

Id, Ego & Super ego - Sigmund Freud's structural model of our psychic functionalities.
Id – Intrinsic drives – A "Pleasure Principle" coerce. The steer is just basic impulses of momentary need. It does all that which is required at that moment of time. It displays with no mask. So, it seems to be selfish that strives for immediate satisfaction.
Ego- works on reality principle. It is the organised part of our personality structure. It provides logical reasoning for intrinsic drives. It justifies providing sense to the world around us. Being conscious is within ego, but all actions of ego need not have to be conscious.
Super-ego is a jury. A judge who lives within us.  Super ego is driven by those principles plus a layer of positivity and negativity on it. If your action is favourable to your ego, if it results with right remarks, it gives you a proud feeling. Once when the impression is set, it thrives to keep up the standards always by judging right versus wrong, true versus false. On the contrary if your deed is not acceptable to your ego, it leaves a bitter feeling of guilt and inferiority.
After realising different genres of ego, I can employ right term in the right event instead of a generic idiom E…G….O.

But I am certainly convinced that EGO is not "Edging God Out". We neither can corner ourselves from reality, nor can we edge a life within ourselves.
It is Emotions in motion which aligns itself with sensibleness and pragmatism. Whether we call these emotions to be residing in mind or heart, it is the spirit of verve and vivacity.
It is actually alluring to know that there are even defence mechanisms in ego, which I will explore very soon and share my learning's. The thirst of exploring never fades, as the information keeps impending. I will investigate what phase of ego is this!!!

Confronting The Child Within

"Why are you crying Mommy! Come, I will give you a hug."  Saying so within no second he gave me a warm bear hug with his little hands around my neck. That was my four year old kid just few days back.

I was completely down as I had lost my much-loved uncle and was feeling low, hollow and helpless.
While we try to teach our children all about life, Our children teach us what life is all about.
The warmth of love was so pure that I wanted my inner child to take birth within me again. I wanted to re-live as a child who just is as innocent and as playful one can think off. I wanted to be a kid again for whom worldly affairs is far off and can see only people it relates to. Energy, creativity, innocence and chastity is so virtuous that it's an ultimatum of being alive.

Call it as ‘divine child', ‘wonder child', ‘inner child', or ‘true self'  or ‘real self', its just that how do we confront a child within all of us.
Undeniably we carry a child within ourselves. This inner child is created by parents, society, and all people who are involved during this augmentation of childhood.
If the child is not heard and accepted, it establishes to create an inter-reliant false self which generates emotional traumas and always feels like victims eventually leading to emptiness, disturbance, zero self confidence with bundle of apprehensions at all stages. On the contrary, the child with attention and acknowledgement builds the fortune for oneself and people around.

But, no one really knows how many people have been loved and guided in healthy ways. So this is one of the most important concepts for us to understand: we all have an inner child, and we have many more inner children inside of us as well. Most people are aware of some of their inner children. The process of opening to the world of the Inner Child enhances our choices in miraculous ways. There are dozens of ways to connect to this wonder kid within which heals, loves and feels happy. In my case, a thousand words might have got communicated which was replaced by a warm hug. That's why a picture dominates a kid's world rather than words. During the transition from childhood the "Wise-kid" becomes dominant with left brain as chief ascendant and keeps beating the inner child to emerge. Adult and Parent of what we address in TA (Transactional Analysis) transpires. This is where often the internal battle begins.
But, a profound thought would be to nurture the inner child with love rather than muffling and secluding it. It heals, it relaxes after all we need some balance out of life and re-living childhood-ness in adulthood is an experience with difference. Its never too late to begin anything.
The wonder kid within has the following faces and all of us live few moments within this nutshell to confront the inner child.
The frisky child is the child which loves to play. It is a frolicsome kid with full of vivacity and exuberance. The energy store house is never empty. There is a spark from within which twinkles with enthusiasm.
The stubborn child which wants what it wants. No compromises. You cannot expect any deal to strike with concession.

The mischievous child is naughty, It is certainly not negative to hurt & harm because adulthood would become alert with super ego to judge.
The fearful child feels scared and in-secured. Some times behaves awful with anxiety. All of us go through this phase one or the other time.
The desolated child strongly feels isolated. Feels comfortable either alone or with selected few based on situations. Not surprisingly, there are circumstances that this feeling of segregation might get extended. But, its alarming if this remoteness continues more than a month.
The inquisitive child – There are no seven wonders of the world in the eyes of this child.  There are seven million. Curious, interesting, and enquiring seems like an unquenched thirst for this inquisitive child.
This is just an insight towards the possibilities of a child within. There are many other selves as well. In reality all children are imaginative, innovative and artistic, the challenge is to remain one as one grows up.
Its an experience with difference to develop the ability to identify the child within and nourish with adequate attention and admiration to give oneself a profound healing experience.

This is one of the thoughts I always remember when a child within me awakes.

Bitter are the tears of a child: Sweeten them.
Deep are the thoughts of a child: Quiet them.
Intense is the grief of a child: Soothe it.
Soft is the heart of a child: Do not harden it.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Is It Necessary To Understand Oneself!

"Brilliant is one who has exceptional knowledge about the world, Enlightened is one who has implied introspection about oneself".

--- First time when I read this axiom it triggered me to think, introspect about myself so much that it seemed to end no where. Probably that's the reason Buddha was called an enlightened being. Enlightenment might also be a search for an unknown truth and what can be this secret truth today apart from knowing oneself, when we are living with ourselves all these years without discovering with whom are we living.

What is so significant about me being ME?
My personality traits, perceptions, principles, beliefs, emotions.
What makes me strong or weak?
How do I typically behave in a given situation?
How do I reciprocate at critical circumstances?
What makes me angry and why?
Can I define my saturation and limitation!
When do I become irritated and why?
What fascinates me?
What encourages or discourages me?
How would I feel in the life of isolation?
What Am' I scared about?
What drives me crazy?
Do I suppress my sentiments!
What do I want people to think about me?
Does a child live within me, if so what are those typical situations it comes out
What sort of acquaintances do I carry with me?
The most respectful thing in my life is!!!
Is my best friend qualities just like mine!
Do I grow close to people quickly or would I take time and reasons for it.
How do I perceive aspects which I don't appreciate?
What is independence to me?
Can I rebuilt the broken relationship! Does ‘forgive and forget' work with me!
What do I cherish the most?
My prime requirement in life is!
Do I crave for anything!
What is my definition for entertainment and enjoyment?
If given an opportunity to speak, what topic would I love to discuss.
What are the prime differences in me from last year to this year?

………..  Gosh, I was startled looking at my own probing skills. Indeed I deliberately ceased the list of questions.
Immediately followed a question, why do I need to think about myself so much. Is their any advantage in answering them. Would my answers remain same years later.   I was uncertain too in every step. Whenever I comprehend about Self Discovery, Introspection, Self Realization & awareness about oneself  all that strikes to my mind is interlinked progression of queries. How do I understand myself! Am' I judging my adequacies and limitations! Why is Emotional and Social Intelligence is in limelight today? When I delved and reflected on these questions, I contemplated answers and collectively projected it for more exploration.
When I was a kid, my belief on Self Discovery was more spiritual. As I grew its facets became more inquisitive. It became more realistic and functional body just like me. Today, when I sit back and think about it, I get staggered and the unfolded myself excites me each time.

Experiencing oneself is a different sensation. This outstretched feel is vivid & vibrant each time you visit your inner self. By doing so, I have realised that I can relate to others objectively with no prejudices. Self Confidence augments.  Coping skills are more rational. Decision making becomes easier when I know what I want. There is no room for redoing things when I know my priorities. More than all, the most vital aspect is self control and acceptance. The solidity of oneself is steady and consistent.
I am comfortable with myself when I know I am neither complicated nor contradictory which also leads to better conflict resolution. I can see an optimistic approach towards negative perceptions which would have developed earlier. Not surprisingly each time I think, I get refined myself which sometimes seems to be amusing, appealing and captivating. The questionnaire that I can answer about myself is become an incessant process, the more I persist the more I stimulate.

Driving down the road miles within
I found there can be no longer voyage
Than travelling within
To introspect your own heart and mind!