Lifelong Parading of 'I EXIST"

We learn, from the moment we sight on this terrain

We absorb from the nature and people encircling us

We discover, as we are taught

We realize concepts & aspects implicitly and silently

We understand as we grow, nurture it with our perceptions.

Learn, understand, contemplate, envisage and reflect

Hushed progression that is part of our existence

Learn, because it crafts living

Understand, as it is a form of endurance

Contemplate, for we perceive and persist

Envisage, because we are ambitious and aspire

Reflect as we foster and evolve.

Establish an identity as we interpret

Develop on the dexterities

From the spell....from the nature…

From inmates.....from the society...

Relentless parading to attest ‘I exist’, ‘I exist’, ‘I exist’…..

ಹತಾಶೆ ಎಂಬ ಚಕ್ರ ಸುಳಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ಸಿಕ್ಕಾಗ ...

ಮನಸ್ಸು ತುಂಬ ಭಾರ ಆಗಿದೆ ಅಕ್ಕ ಅಂತ ಮಂಜು ಹೇಳಿದಾಗ ಅದರ ಆಳ ಗೊತ್ತಿದೆ ಅಂಸ್ತ್ತು. ಆತಂಕ, ಎದೆಭಾರ, ಕಳವಳ, ತುಡಿತ, ಕೊರಗು, ಯೋಚನೆ, ದುಗುಡ, ವ್ಯಾಕುಲತೆ - ಎಲ್ಲವೂ ಒಟ್ಟಿಗೆ ಸೇರಿ ತರುವ ಉಮ್ಮಳತೆ ಮನಸನ್ನ ಖಿನ್ನತೆಗೆ ತಳ್ಳುತ್ತದೆ. ಅದರ ನೋವು ಅನುಭಸುವನಿಗೆ ಮಾತ್ರ ಗೊತ್ತು. ಹೇಳ್ತಾರಲ್ಲ ನೀರಲ್ಲಿ ಇಳಿದವನಿಗೆ ಮಾತ್ರ ಅದರ ಆಳ ಗೊತ್ತು ಅಂತ ... ಇಧು ಹಾಗೆ.

ಏನನ್ನ ಮಾಡಿದರೆ ನನ್ನ ಸಮಸ್ಯೆಗೆ ಪರಿಹಾರ ಸಿಗತ್ತೆ!! ಈ ಕಷ್ಟಗಳು ಯಾವಾಗ ಪರಿಹಾರ ಆಗತ್ತೆ !!! ನನಗೇ ಆಗಬೇಕ ಇದು!!! ಈ ತೊಡಕುಗಳಿಗೆ ಕೊನೇನೆ ಇಲ್ವ!! ಇಷ್ಟು ದುಡಿದರೆ ನನ್ಗೆ ಸಾಕು. ಇಷ್ಟು ಸಂಪಾದನೆ ಆದರೆ ಸಾಕು, ಈ ಕೆಲಸ ಆಗಿ ಬಿಟ್ರೆ ತಿರುಪತಿ ತಿಮಪ್ಪನ ದರ್ಶನ ಮಾಡಿ ಬರ್ತಿನಿ. ಪರೀಕ್ಷೆ ನಲ್ಲಿ ಪಾಸಾದರೆ ಮುಡಿ ಕೊಡ್ತಿನಿ ಎಂದು ದೇವರಿಗೆ ನಾನಾ ರೀತಿಯ ಬೇಡಿಕೆಗಳು. ಇಲ್ಲಿಂದ ಪ್ರಾರಂಭವಾಗಿ ಮಧುವೆ ಹಾಗು ಭವಿಷ್ಯದ ಚಿಂತೆ, ಕುಡುಕ ಗಂಡನ, ಮನೆಯ ಜವಾಬ್ಧಾರಿ ಇಲ್ಲದೆ ಅಲೆಯುವ ಹತಾಶೆ ಯಷ್ಟೋ ಹೆಣ್ಣು ಮಕ್ಕಳ ಗೋಳು. ಇವೆಲ್ಲಾ ಕಂಡಾಗ ಹತಾಶೆ ಎಷ್ಟು ದೊಡ್ಡ ಪದ ಅನ್ಸುತ್ತೆ. ಪದದ ಜೊತೆ ಮಿಳಿತವಾಗಿರೋದು ಮನಸಿನ ಆ ಭಾವನೆ. ಆ ಭಾವನೆಗೆ ಸಾವಿರಾರು ಕಾರಣಗಳು.

ಈ ಸಮಯಕ್ಕೆ ಇಷ್ಟಾದರೆ ಸಾಕು ಎಂದು ಹಪಪಿಸುವ ಮನಸ್ಸು ಒಂದೆಡೆಯಾದರೆ, ಮನಸಿನ ತುಂಬ ತುಂಬಿರುವ ಆತಂಕ. ದುಗುಡ ದೇಹದಲ್ಲಿರುವ ಅರ್ಧ ತ್ರಾಣವನ್ನ ಕರಗಿಸಿರುತ್ತೆ. ಯಾವುಧೇ ಕೆಲಸದಲ್ಲಿ ಉತ್ಸಾಹವಿಲ್ಲ, ಮಾಡಿ ಮುಗಿಸಬೇಕು ಅನ್ನೋ ಶಕ್ತಿ ಇಲ್ಲ.  ಯಾಕೆ ಏನು ನಡಿತಿಲ್ಲ ಅನ್ನೋ ನೋವು, ಮುಂದೆ ಏನ್ ಮಾಡಬೇಕು ಅನ್ನೋ ಆತಂಕ, ಈ ಕೆಲಸ ಆದ್ರೆ ಸಾಕಪ್ಪ ಅನ್ನೋ ಚಿಕ್ಕ ಭಾವನೆ ಇಂದ ಹಿಡಿದು ಬದುಕು ಇಷ್ಟೇನಾ ಅನ್ನೋ ವರ್ಗು ಕರೆದೊಯ್ಯುವ ಈ ಹತಾಶೆ ಪ್ರತಿಯೊಬ್ಬರ ಅನುಭವದಲ್ಲಿರುತ್ತೆ. ಈ desperation ಒಮೊಮ್ಮೆ ಏನೇನೊ ಮಾಡಿಸಿ ಬಿಡುತ್ತೆ. ಕಳ್ತನದಿಂದ ಕೊಲೆಯವರೆಗೂ ಈ ಹತಾಶೆ ಕೆಲಸ ಮಾಡಿಸಿರುತ್ತೆ. ದುಶ್ಚಟಗಳಿಂದ ಆತ್ಮ ಹತ್ಯೆಯ ವರೆಗೂ ಕರೆದೊಯುತ್ತೆ. ಇದರ ಆಳ ಬಲ್ಲವನೇ ಬಲ್ಲ.

ಮನಸಿನ ಖಿನ್ನತೆ ಯಾವುದೇ ವಯ್ಸಿಗೆ ಸೀಮಿತವಲ್ಲ. ಚಿಕ್ಕ ಮಕ್ಕಳಿಗೂ ಖಿನ್ನತೆ ಉಂಟಾಗತ್ತೆ. ದೊಡ್ಡವರಿಗೂ ಹೇಳಿಕೊಳ್ಳಲು ಇಷ್ಟ ಪಡುವುದಿಲ್ಲ, ಮಕ್ಕಳಿಗೆ ಹೇಳಿಕೊಳ್ಳಲು ಅರ್ಥವಾಗುವುದಿಲ್ಲ. ಆದರೆ ಹಾವ ಭಾವಗಳಲ್ಲಿ, ನಡೆ ನುಡಿಗಳಲ್ಲಿ ಎದ್ಧು ಕಾಣುವ ಈ ಖಿನ್ನತೆ ಮನಸಿಗ್ಗೆ ಹತ್ತಿರವಿರುವ ವರೆಗೆ ಮಾತ್ರ ಅರ್ಥವಾಗುವ ಸ್ಥಿತಿ. ಹತಾಶೆಯ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ವಾಸ್ತವ ಇದಾದರೆ ಇದರಿಂದ ಹೊರ ಬರುವ ದಾರಿ.... ಕಷ್ಟ ಬಂದಾಗ ಸಮಯಕ್ಕೆ ಸಿಗದಿರುವ ವಸ್ತು 'ಸಾಹಾಯ'... ತುಂಬಾ ಸರಾಗವಾಗಿ ಸಿಗುವ ವಸ್ತು 'ಸಲಹೆ'. There is enough advice but none helps. ಇದು ಮನಸ್ಸಿನ  ಖಿನ್ನತೆಗು ಬದುಕಿನ ತಪತ್ರಯಗಳಿಗೂ ವಿಸ್ತರಿಸುವ ಸತ್ಯ.

ಜೀವನದಲ್ಲಿ ನಾನು ಈ  ಖಿನ್ನತೆಗೆ ಒಳಗಾಗಿದ್ದೇನೆ. ೨೦೦೦ದ ಇಸವಿಯಲ್ಲಿ peak recession ಪಿರಿಯಡ್... ಓದು ಮುಗಿಸಿದ ವರ್ಷ. ಕೆಲಸಕ್ಕಾಗಿ ಅಲೆದ ವರ್ಷ.ಈಗಲೆ ಬರಬೇಕ ಈ recession,  ಹಣೆಬರಹವೇ ಸರಿಯಿಲ್ಲ ಎಂದು ಎಷ್ಟೋ ಬಾರಿ ಅನಿಸಿದ್ದುಂಟು. ಈ ಸಮಯದಲ್ಲಿ ಬದುಕಿನ ಒಂದು ನಿಜ ಅರ್ಥವಾಗಿದ್ದು ... ಎಷ್ಟೇ ಬುದ್ಧಿಯಿದ್ದರು, ಎಷ್ಟೇ ಅಂಕಗಳು ಬಂದಿದ್ದರು, ಈ ಹತಾಶೆಎಂಬ ಭೂತಕ್ಕೆ ನಮ್ಮ ಆತ್ಮವಿಶ್ವಾಸವನ್ನ ನಿಮಿಷಗಳಲ್ಲಿ ಕೊಂದು ಹಾಕುವ ಸಾಮರ್ಥ್ಯವಿದೆ.  ಎಷ್ಟೇ ದೃಡ ನಿರ್ಧಾರ ಮಾಡಿದರೂ,  ಎಷ್ಟೇ ಪ್ರಚಂಡ ಬುದ್ಧಿಯಿದ್ದರು,  ಎಷ್ಟೇ ಉತ್ಕಟ ಇಚ್ಛೆಯಿದ್ದರು, ಹತಾಶೆ ಬೆನ್ನು ಬಿಡದ ಬೇತಾಳ. ನೀವೇ ಅದನ್ನ ಹೊರ ದಬ್ಬುವ ತನಕ ಅದು ನಿಮನ್ನು ಬಿಟ್ಟು ಹೋಗದು.

ಈ ಸ್ಥಿತಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ಏನು ಹೇಳಿದರು ಮಾಡಲಿಕ್ಕೆ ಹೊರಟು ಬಿಡುತ್ತೇವೆ. ಇದು ನನ್ನ ಚಿಕ್ಕಪ್ಪನ ಸಾವು ನೆನಪು ತರುವ ವಿಷಯ ಕೂಡ. ಆರು ವರ್ಷಗಳ ಹಿಂದೆ ಒಂದು ಅಪಘಾತಕ್ಕೆ ಸಿಕ್ಕಿ ಆಸ್ಪತ್ರೆ ಸೇರೆದಾಗ, ಮನೆಯಲ್ಲಿ ಎಲ್ಲರಿಗು ಆಗಾಥ ತಂದ ವಿಷಯ. ಬಹಳ ಪ್ರಿಯರಾಗಿದ್ದ ಅವರ ಇಲ್ಲದಿರುವಿಕೆ ನನ್ಗೆ ಊಹಿಸಿಕೊಳ್ಳಲಿಕ್ಕೆ ಆಗದ ವಿಷಯವಾಗಿತ್ತು. ಹದಿನೆಂಟು ದಿನಗಳು ಆ ಆಸ್ಪತ್ರೆಯ ವಾಸ, ನನ್ನಲ್ಲಿ ಯಾವ ಮಟ್ಟಿಗೆ desperation ತಂದಿತ್ತು ಎಂದಿದ್ದರೆ ಏನು ಮಾಡಲಿಕ್ಕೂ ತಯಾರಾಗಿ ನಿಂತಿದ್ದೆ. ರಸ್ತೆಯ ಮೂಲೆಯಲ್ಲಿರುವ ಕಲ್ಲಿಗೆ ಪೂಜೆ ಮಾಡಲು ಸಿದ್ದಳಿದ್ದೆ. ಅದೇ Desperation. It can make you do anything .

ಅಸಾಹಯಕತೆ,ಆತಂಕ,ದುಗುಡ, ದುಃಖ -- ಎಲ್ಲವೂ ಸೇರಿ ನಮ್ಮ ಮನಸ್ಸಿಗೆ ಆಗುವ ಈ ಭಾವನೆಗಳ ಮಹಾಪೂರ, ಅದರ ಯಾತನೆ ಕೆಳಲೊಲ್ಲದು. ನಿಜ ಎಂದರೆ ಸಾಕಷ್ಟು desperate ಸಂದರ್ಭಗಳು ನಮ್ಮ ಶಕ್ತಿಗೆ ಮೀರಿದಂತಹವು. ಇಲ್ಲವಾದರೆ ಕೆಲಸ ಆಗುವಿಕೆಗು ತೊಡಕು ತಂದಿಡುವವು. ಆತ್ಮವಿಶ್ವಾಸ  ಕೊಲ್ಲುವಂತಹವು. ನಂಬಿಕೆ ಕಳೆದು ಕೊಳ್ಳುವಂತಹವು. ಭರವಸೆ ನಾಶ ಗೊಳಿಸುವಂತಹವು.
ನಮ್ಮೊಳ್ಳಗೆ ನಿರುಪಯುಕ್ತತೆ ಎಂಬ ಬೀಜಬಿತ್ತಿ ಅದೇ ಹೆಮ್ಮರವಾಗಿ ಬೆಳೆಯಲು ಬಿಟ್ಟಿರುತ್ತೇವೆ. ಆ ದಿನಗಳಲ್ಲಿ ಅದರ ಬಗ್ಗೆಯೇ ಚಿಂತೆ ಮಾಡಿರುತ್ತೇವೆ. ಕೂತಲ್ಲೇ ಕೂತಿರುತ್ತೇವೆ. ಸಿಕ್ಕಾಪಟ್ಟೆ ನಿದ್ದೆ ಮಾಡಿರುತ್ತೇವೆ. ಇದರ ಹೊರತು, ವಾಸ್ತವ ಹಾಗು ಉಪದ್ರವಕ್ಕೆ ಪರಿಹಾರ ವೆಂಬುದು ಮುಸುಕು ಹಾಕಿ ಮೂಲೆಯಲ್ಲಿ ಕುಳಿತಿರುತ್ತದೆ. ಕೂತಲ್ಲಿಂದ ನಮ್ಮನ್ನ ನಾವೇ ಬಡಿದೆಬ್ಬಿಸಿ ಅದನ್ನು ಎಚ್ಚರಿಸಿ, ನಮ್ಮ ಶಕ್ತಾನುಸಾರ ಈ ಸಂದರ್ಭಕ್ಕೆ ಏನು ಮಾಡಬೇಕು ಎಂಬುದು ಮಾತ್ರ ತಲೆ ತುಂಬಿಸಿದರೆ ಅದು ಬುದ್ದಿವಂತರ ಲಕ್ಷಣ.

ನನ್ನ ಅನುಭವಗಳಿಂದ ಇವತ್ತಿಗೂ ಜ್ಞಾಪಕವಿರುವ ವಿಷಯ - Differentiate between what depends on you and what not.

ಪ್ರಕೃತಿ, ಸಮಾಜಕ್ಕೆ, ಪರಮಾರ್ಥಕ್ಕೆ ಬಿಟ್ಟಿರೋದೇನು, ನನಗೇನು ಸಾಧ್ಯ. ಹಾಗು ಅಸಾಧ್ಯವಾದದ್ದೇನು! 
ಜಗತ್ತನ್ನ ಬದಲಾಯಿಸಲು ಹೊರಡುವ ಮುನ್ನ ಜಸ್ಟ್ ಕನ್ನಡಿ ಮುಂದೆ ನಿಂತು 'ನೀನು ಬದಲಾಯಿಸ್ಕೋ' - ಅಷ್ಟು ಸಾಕು. ನನ್ನ ತಾಪತ್ರಯಗಳು ನನ್ನವು, ಅದಕ್ಕೆ ನಾನೇ ಪರಿಹಾರ ಅಂತ ಹೇಳಿ ಮುಂದೆ ಹೆಜ್ಜೆ ಹಾಕಿ. ನಾನು ಮಾಡಿದ್ದು ಇದನ್ನೆ.  ಪುಟ್ಟ ಪುಟ್ಟ ಹೆಜ್ಜೆಗಳು ... ನಿರಂತರ ಹೆಜ್ಜೆಗಳು. 

Expectations Redefined!!

Pre-monsoon showers have hit Bangalore and today was one of those evenings as 

I was sipping my tea watching rain outside,  I had put on the music and one of my favorite song started playing…  

"Kahin Door Jab Din Dhal Jaye….." 

The most meaningful lines I have been cherishing in this melody is     

Kahin To Yeh Dil Kabhi Mil Nahin Paate | Kahin Pe Nikal Aaye Janmon Ke Naate

Ghani Thi Uljhan Bairi Apna Man |Apna Hi Hoke Sahe Dard Paraye...  Kahin Door..

Sometimes  the things are unable to come together, and somewhere else connections of lifetime emerge.  The roots of this conundrum is my own mind which becomes my enemy inspite of being mine.

Yet, enduring the pain of another is the best meaning I can extract and relate out of the above lines.

Well, with this a spark spurred in my mind and the thoughts started flowing around those lines of RELATIONSHIPS, CONNECTIONS, KITH & KIN … whatever we may want to term it as.

It became profound, inscrutable and intense as I thought more about it. As it grew

multifaceted, I rerouted myself to abstract the essence and obscurity of the relations we develop in life, the ripened trust in those relations, affection we show and expect things out from other end. I reflected more on expectations due to my latest experience in expecting from other end. I was uneasy when it did not happen, was anxious until I lessened my impatience, kind of worried and upset as well. But, I could regulate myself is definitely another story to write. 

I landed to write the roots on EXPECTATIONS. For this moment it holds my mind as the kernel point of kith’s and kin’s.

EXPECTATION – appears as a combination of emotions such as ‘Anticipation, Hopefulness, Likelihood, Prospect, Desire, Want, Wish, Dream, Yearn’ … though they aren’t synonyms for expectation, they stand as kind of reserves for it which takes different forms and outlines in the binding of the bond.  

· Why do we expect in relationships!

· What kind & magnitude of love and affection do we relate to in these interactions! Do we associate a need for emotional love in these associations! Is it the general psychological human tendency!

· Much better a question is what part of us feels good, and what are we trying to guard ourselves from, by sensing these expectations to come true!

Evolutionary psychology states that the conception of emotions were enabled in limbic system and have evolved with time and the natural selection was towards adapting emotions to solve problems, protect ourselves and our clans, survive desperate circumstances and procreate. I feel there is a strong link between our ego and our emotions.  Under the classic Freudian psychological set up, I believe, there is this  ID, your mode of being “I need what I want’, it is drive to crave in the name of requirement. The superego is you in your ethical & moral self (if you have it), it is the belief of yes vs no that’s hoarded over  years of upbringing embedded with life experiences.  Both these phases of want, influences judgments and outlook we mature which has emotions at all phases.  

So, why do we expect!!  It all drills down to a separate self-sensed illusion, our ego trying to get something for itself to compensate for a deep desire of fulfilling an aspiration or probably might erupt out of feeling of insecurity or absence of something which might be due to a perception or sheer comparison.

Ego boosts when we see what we expected becomes a reality, senses feel excited about it. On the contrary, if it does not... what we term it as reality, pushes us in disturbed and distressed mode.

It is definitely a general human psychological want to love and be loved. Why!!! 

Love is an emotion that brings us joy(or sorrow!!! - relative term). Feelings of personal attachment since childhood, it can relate to any other relation that gets associated in later part of life. It can take forms of fondness, affection, passion including romance.  But, the experience of love is been taught and adapted in such a way to give and take. And the TAKE form takes a form in the form of EXPECTATION.  The magnitude and its style will differ because it’s our sheer individual acuity. Sometimes we expect from others because we would be willing to do that much for them. And equally forget at that moment that the other individual is just like a discrete character like us whose sensitivities and emotions are theirs own and might not be applicable to be equivalent.  There are quite a lot of inspirational quotes to advice not to expect,’ expectation brings disappointment’, ‘lesser you expect, more you are happy’ so on and so forth. When I feel an emotion of soreness probably because of expectation, I re-look at myself with some tinge of self-awareness which positively brings me back to actuality and puts me in ease.

I rethink on expectations – Majority of our Expectations is very near to ideal world. A united realm of perfectionism. It’s time to revisit those attached expectations and evaluate how near is it to reality.

I have started enumerating the number of people who often dishearten me by failing in not meeting expectations. By accepting the feeling of disappointment I am favoring myself to be more nigh to practicality which helps me from drawing a pattern on subsequent behaviors of few people in the list.

Very significant element I ascertain is the difference between expectation, influence and dependence – We often disregard dependence in close relationships by imparting expectations. The closer is the relationship, proportional is the expectation because it usually gets emotionally committed.  It is sometimes amusing the way we think and the way we would have got influenced and behind the brain the comparison in the form of want would be ticking. Yes! I am speaking of media, movies, and a dream world which plays a very prominent role in the way we think and way we dream. Expectations to lead life just like on a silver screen is a mirage and there is a difference between real and reflective illusion.

Real world advices don’t expect. Expect world says it’s natural to expect and hope. Funnily discovering a safe route is mystified.  

Expectations can be vicious faction

Casting a mirage, making things appear sweeter than honey

Playing tricks on our mind and luring one in

Envisioning a perfect fantasy

Taking that fateful step towards uncertainty

Head high and heart full of blissful unrealistic expectations

Finding oneself stumbling in upon

Nothing but emptiness and shattered dreams welcome

When there is emptiness at the bend

So is the light at the end of the tunnel

'Expect the Unexpected' welcomes to a surprising world

Let go the expectation and accept the celebration

To expect the right things from oneself

  

My vista from the base and top of the mountain ….My take on trekking!

‘Life is calling… where are you!!! This is one of my favorite quote which I borrowed from my dearest friend. When he said this some time back… it just left me thinking. I pep myself saying this when I am lost, when I am low, when I am thinking too deep into something, when I want to come back to the track from anywhere telling myself… Live your calling, what on earth Am I here for!

Something else also strikes me when I think of this line… the feeling I get is:

Mountains are calling … where are you.

Mountains are calling… I must go.

Hike, trek, climb, trudge…. I got introduced to it around twelve springs back, from then on none could stop me from getting hooked to it. Trek is reflection and a thoughtful journey for me. It is a mental drive with physical support. It is a passage metaphorical for life which I want to travel with my dear ones.  A small hike is just an action and sometimes beyond thousand words to elucidate.  

Here is an attempt to explore:

A journey of thousand miles begins with a single step: This is one of a famous adage from Lao Tzu, a philosopher and a poet from ancient China. I used this quote as a first page when I submitted my project report during my last semester of Engineering.   It carries a profound meaning at every stage of life.

When it comes to trek, the first step matters a lot. Mentally you are prepared for an expedition.  You want to try something new.  For first timers it is a new venture. For experienced it is another detour of sagacity. In all these years, my experience with nature when I walk with it is been - I receive more than what I seek.

Life begins at the end of the comfort zone:  In daily mechanical routine life, we just strive to be inside a nutshell, act with pre-decided plan, run behind aspirations, everyday is a step towards that ambition. But at the end, we are all in comfort zones. We go in the same route, work at the same place, interact with same faces, survive in the same dynamics, get tired for the same reason and grumble for trade-offs.

Amidst of all this humdrum and mundane matters, getting on to a hike is coming out of comfort zone for me. This was my first life skill which I learnt when I started hiking.

There is no Wi-Fi in the forest, but trust me you will find better connection:  Not all would join you for what you think you want to discover. In the technology powered life sphere, Wi-Fi might keep you in conversation.  But two in conversation does not mean you are in connection.  This is one march where you get connected lot more in different domains and circles. You know who would want to uncover unknown with you, they stick along together to motivate, to help and assist you reach the peak.  It sounds so symbolic to life.

Believe you can, and you are half way through:  Hope is a little voice which keeps whispering inside me to say ‘just one step more’ when the world is shouting ‘No, give up’. When everything feels uphill struggle, I just think of the view from the peak. When you are at the top of the world you feel nothing is really tough to reach. The path trodden seems miniscule. The natural flights of human mind is not from pleasure to pleasure, but from hope to hope. It keeps you moving, it gives you confidence and a different perspective for every puzzle of life.   

The earth has music for those who listen: The human spirit needs places where nature has not been rearranged by the hand of man. I keep asking myself, what drags me back to tall trees, forest and mountains. Probably, I love to go back to nature in pursuit of my purpose. I love to listen to those little voices which I don’t listen in my daily habitual life. Voice from nature, voice of birds, and voice of my fellow beings.  Along with the persistence to move on, we practice to listen to own self.  

Not all those who wander are lost: Somewhere between the start of the trial and end of the mystery, is this passage to realize and choose to walk everyday towards it.  It feels good to be lost in the right direction when you are on mountains. I climb mountains not because world can see me, but because I can see the world. The endurance, the tolerance, the prudence it teaches me every time I go is immense.  It is an illustration of life itself.

“It’s your path, and yours alone, others may walk it with you. But no one can walk it for you.”

I look back on this and smile because it was LIFE and I decided to live it. 

Few realizations in life!!!!

I choose –

To live by choice, and not by chance

To be motivated, not manipulated

To be useful, not being used

To make changes for good, not excuses

To excel, not to compete

Choose to live with self- esteem,

Choose to listen to my inner voice, not to the random opinion of others.

Choose to live for my personal values & principles, so that others don’t make my decisions

Choose to be trusted and honest, so that I can be true to myself

Few realizations that I have experienced in life for the choices I have made are…

You are bound to experience difficulties

You are bound to be stronger else people will be waiting to see you weak

People intimidate you and push you to corners

They doubt you so that you feel as a failure

They feel insecured because of your confidence, they will have to daunt you so that they survive

People feel envious and try all dirty tricks on you

They feel bitter about you, waiting to take grudge

They will ensure to play foul games, because your fiasco is their target.

So….. WHO ARE THESE who wait to create catastrophe in your life.

There are many around you. At personal, professional and social levels too. The higher you grow, more are numbers. They are this group who are INSECURED          

Insecured about themselves    
Apprehensive about their own lives
Uncertain about their future

Anxious about others success

Self-doubting about their decisions

Incompetent to prove their might 

In reality, a personality which displays timidity, sadistic attitude, cynical, influencing pessimistically, injects suspicion, being pompous & snobbish, being domineering, plays nepotism, obsessive about attention, control freak, power monger, is skeptical and infuses ambiguity….. so on and so forth.

You can be ensured that there are plentiful who are insecured around you if you are a person who chooses to live your life by your choice, your value systems and being good.

Same old anecdote… ‘Difficulty of being good’!!!!

Be ensured to stand strong because you will be propelled from altitudes

Promise to be yourself, because your honesty, sincerity and integrity will be questioned

Pledge to be good, because you will be dragged to eccentric loftiness

Engage to focus on right things, because you will be driven to give up easily

Swear to be a mettle, because you will be tested with heat

All great virtues, ethics, morals, ideals, principles, answerable to one’s own conscience are awfully expensive – you cannot expect it from substandard people.  That’s the rule of nature.

Being a leader by demand, inducing transparency, impelling openness, persuading uprightness, inspiring, leaving an affirmative imprints…. demands to be tested. The path is strenuous & grueling.  That’s again the rule of nature.

Rule of survival says – Be it anyway, human as after all an animal.

Rule if living says – Choose to be human. If you are still an animal, then why being called as civilized & educated!!!

Rule of enlightenment says – Choose to be soul of glory, live your life so that you leave an imprint that even the sands of history can’t erase your name.

Choice is yours!!!!   .. CHOOSE and BE ALERT.

Is Being Good....Good Enough!!!!

There was a HR Summit I attended just last Friday. During one of the panel discussions the speaker mentioned about a book called  “Difficulty of being good” by Gurcharan Das.  Of Course! I have ordered for one and waiting to get into my hands.    

But keeping that apart I was contemplating on the title while driving back - DIFFICULTY OF BEING GOOD

  

 

As a child I was taught to be good. My parents always emphasized on being disciplined, accomplish, being nice to others, responsible, listening to elders and all that you can name as merits of being ranked as good kid. I always thought that was the world out there which expects you to be ‘good & nice’. Good and nice as per the external world, its demands and expectations.

I grew up with all that noble thoughts of ‘Being Good’.  I did all that which makes people around me feel proud of me. 

Today, when I sit back and ponder on difficulties I have faced of being good – layer by layer I could excavate the life’s hardships of striving to hold that fame. When I reflect on that today, all I feel is probably my parents should have taught me thin line difference between ‘being good’ and ‘tolerating’.

Difficulty of being good is that, people expect you to be constant and consistent with the label all the time. Yet! It was your own setting of that expectation that you will strive to keep up your set identity and always want to be branded and named under being called good.

 

I was never taught to ‘Say No’. I was never told the definition of ‘what exactly is tolerating’ and how to overcome that. There by, there would have been many occasions of being controlled indirectly, being told what to do, being advised under various markers, painting nice pictures of what is right.

By compelling myself to be good, I have borne dis-respect & loss, I have experienced where people have taken me for granted, I have faced hardships, suffered pain and hurt. When I self-introspect today, I confidently say, ‘Being good’ is nice. But, being good to oneself is fair.
 

Compromise is courteous, but compromise to what degree!

Forcing one-self for a cause is kind enough, but forcing to what level!

Driving things is wonderful, but ‘Is driving wearing a mask of pushing’!

Self-Imposition with principles is appealing, but is principles in disguise of limitations!

Being remarkable is brilliant, but in the play, are our actions impression-building and striving to keep up the same.

Accomplishments are inspiring, but life does not end if we fail in one of the phase.

Being a role-model is amazing, but counterfeiting grey matters does not help remain in that stature

BE GOOD TO ONESELF is equally important along with being good to others. 

 

I feel - at the end of the episode of life, we are required to answer for our own conscience. When we look back at the life’s pathway, all it matters is the quality of happiness you felt within
 

You tend to spread happiness to the outer world only when you are happy within. You cannot spread happiness when you are feeling miserable within.
You cannot display enthusiasm when you are feeling apathetic internally
You cannot be motivating when you are hopeless.

There are certainly difficulties of being good, probably we are at peace when we segregate it when being good to self and others, then we draw a line between acceptance and tolerance.

This reminds me of few lines of paradoxical commandments – A pragmatic irony of life.

 

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds. Think big anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.  Build anyway.

 

We are here to hear others and listen to ourselves. Seek suggestions and take decisions. This reminds me a popular Bruce Lee’s quote - I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.”

Probably, living life to our own expectations leads to harmony and that harmony should be congruent with our thoughts, words and deeds. Is Being good….. good enough!!!!